Her Blue Eyes
by Marvel-comic-girl
Summary: I grind my teeth while slowly nodding my head because that's what I am: an inconvenience, a burden. I am to be seen, not heard. To stay silent, but to "speak up when I am talking to you Girl!" To stay in line, so I'm not kicked out of the latest temporary house. Maisie is just another foster kid, enter the Fosters and everything changes. Previously known as The Invisible Child
1. Chapter 1

There are seven days in a week.

Seven colors of the rainbow.

Seven deadly sins.

Seven Dwarfs.

Seven is Neptune

It is Nitrogen.

_For the Lord made the world in six days and rested on the seventh._

Bill says, "This will be lucky number seven."

I was seven years old when I went into the foster care system.

Seven is not a lucky number.

Seven foster homes in a span of four years? I must have made a new record.

"Maisie, are you listening?"

Bill's hands tighten against the steering wheel as I shrug. "Where's Sonya?"

His grip releases and he lets out a sigh, "Sonya is no longer your primary social worker, I am. Let's not talk about Sonya anymore, okay?"

My nails dig into my palm, _**this is all your fault! You stupid little bi-**_

_"_Did I do something wrong?!", the edge of my voice cracks and my face blossoms red.

He turns to face me at a red light and winces. "It is our job as CPS to make sure you are in a loving and safe environment. Sonya could no longer provide that for you, but I promised to do my best as your new social worker."

I mumble, "But she was nice."

She's more than nice. An anchor on a ship, she's the constant in my life. Something familiar to come back to when people realize they don't want me and she would hold pieces together because she _knew_. She wasn't great, but she was Sonya.

If Bill hears my remark, he doesn't answer back. We park by the side of a house and my hold tightens on my raggedy bag. My other hand quickly grabs the standard 'foster kid' trash bag so I don't lose anything else and I get off the car.

Bill tries to usher me inside. "This is the new foster home I told you about Maisie. Come on, let's go inside."

My feet stay rooted in place in the driveway. _What a cookie cutter house. _Two cars in the driveway, a basketball court by the side of the house, and a picture perfect house. _I don't belong here. _This house is _too_ nice and I am rough. Rough like sandpaper and pebbles that dig into your hands when you fall onto concrete. Nice and rough do not belong together.

I look into the darkness of the sky and try to forget about the house I was at this morning. Leaving was never easy, rushed or forced, things got lost, things were bound to be left behind. Never had it been this rushed, never had it been this late, and never have I been without Sonya.

_**An Emergency Placement, **_they called it.

Everything is too fast_, I should be used to it by now. Nothing last forever. _But, an hour ago I was in an old house with a rickety porch and a white picket fence_. _My knees dug into wooden flooring as I continued to mumble along to prayers I never quite learned, hands like knives swung-

Now, I am with my new social worker Bill and it is dark, so very dark and I just want to sleep.

"Maisie!"

I walk at a fast pace, just a few steps behind Bill and the front door swings open before we can even knock.

A blonde woman ushers us in while another in a cardigan anxiously waits behind her.

"I'm sorry for such a late notice, but you've just renewed your license and no one else would take her at this hour. The only place left for her to go was a group home and-", Bill pauses his rambling, but I quickly fill in the blanks.

A group home is for the leftovers, the discarded toys people outgrew when they realized their foster kid was no longer a child, but a _**teenager**__. _Group homes, a basic death sentence to never getting adopted. I am eleven, my expiration date to be placed in a group home has not come yet, but it will very soon.

Cardigan smiles before saying, "It's no problem, Bill. For all you have done for us, this is the least we could do. I just wish this was a better time, we have a so much on our plate right now, it's been a lot."

_Edit: We're doing this out of moral obligation and don't really want some rotten foster kid in our nice house. _

"I know, I know. But this will only be for a little while."

Blondie sighs, "We would never turn her away now that she's here."

Bill nods before turning to me. "Maisie, this is Lena and Stef." He points to Cardigan and Blondie respectively before continuing, "You'll be staying with them while I try to find a more permanent arrangement, okay?"

My lack of reply doesn't faze him and he turns back to the women. "I'll bring her file in tomorrow and we discuss more. Thank you so much, this means a lot."

Blondie nods to the door. "Well, it's really late, so why don't you get on home and we'll get Maisie to bed."

I shouldn't be surprised at how quickly Bill walks in and out of my life, but after all this time I still am. I am left alone with Card- _**Lena and Stef**_**.**

"We don't have much room right now, so you'll need to camp out in the living room for tonight."

The lack of a room doesn't shock me. I've slept on the floor before, at least I have a couch this time. I move the tons of blankets off the couch until there is one left and I drop my trash bag onto the ground. I slip under the blanket, still gripping onto my backpack and shut my eyes. My eyes are heavy, I could easily fall asleep if it weren't for the tugging against my backpack.

My eyes snap open and Stef raises up her hands. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable with your bag on the floor?"

I narrow my eyes. "I'm fine."

"No one is going to steal anything-"

My teeth grind together. "I said I'm _fine."_

"Stef." Lena holds her hand out. "Let's go to bed okay?"

Stef eyes soften and her tugging stops. "Okay, goodnight Maisie."

* * *

"Jesus, give that back!"

"Jesus, stop being so mean to your sister and come eat at the table. Time's a wastin!"

"I don't want to eat eggs. Don't you kno-"

Groans erupt from the other side of the house, "We know Mariana!"

I pull the blanket off me while folding and rearranging the pillows around me back into place. _Am I allowed to eat food with them?_ I contemplate for a second before deciding that the possibility of an empty stomach outweighs the possibility from a beating.

I follow the loud noises before a silence erupts as I enter the room. The other children lose my interest as soon as I notice Cardigan and Blondie kissing and the fact Blondie has a police uniform.

My mind screams _cop, cop!, COP! _While the other half flips because they are _together._

"Who are you?"

The question is thrown across the room by the oldest boy. Lena answers, "Everyone this is Maisie, she will be staying with us for a couple of days."

"I thought we weren't going to take any more foster kids?"

"It's just for a little while." Lena turns to me, "Maisie these are our kids: Brandon, Callie, Jesus, Mariana, and Jude. We formally adopted Jesus, Mariana, about 10 years ago and recently adopted Jude and Callie."

I look at Brandon. "What about him?"

Stef sips from her mug before answering, "I had Brandon during my first marriage before I married Lena."

_Ahh, he's the real son. _Lena and Stef intertwin their hands and I bite the inside of my cheek till I taste blood. "So, you're like together?"

"They're lesbians." My head snaps in Jesus's direction. "Got a problem with that?"

I shake my head rapidly to extinguish a fire I had no intention of starting. I did not want to get beat up by these kids for potential insulting their family.

Stef scolds him, "Jesus! She is allowed to ask questions."

Lena calls me over, "Come eat Maisie. We have a lot to do today."

With the permission now granted, I sit on the end of the table and pile on eggs that I remember hearing one of the kids didn't want to eat. I eat it slowly, urging it to last while slipping an orange into my bag. _You never know when the next time you're going to eat._

The _Brady Bunch_ leave off to school and Bill arrives a few moments later. I am ushered outside so they can have their "adult" conversation. Their backyard is something out of a commercial. Grass that's a perfect green, a little picnic area, and swing set tied to an old tree. _**This is a limited time offer folks, this can be yours for only $599.**_

Out of all the extravagant things in the yard, it's the cherry tree that catches my eyes. The height indicates how young it is, the soil tells it was planted only a few months ago. I sit by it admiring its petals and wonder how tall it will grow to be. I press my fingers against the soil and look around the yard. _It needs to be watered._

I pick up a watering can and pour a generous, but not too much water, into the cherry tree and lay down beside it. The blue in the sky is the color of calmness as it reflects endless oceans into my eyes. _**Blue eyes and a goofy smile grinning back at me.**_

"Do you like gardening?"

I sit up straight to find Lena staring back at me. I nod slowly and she smiles softly. "I like gardening too."

I remark quietly, "It's a beautiful tree."

Tears slowly fill her eyes and I pinch myself because I must be punished for saying something so _wrong. _I open my mouth to explain-

"It is, isn't it?" She looks up into the blue sky and sighs, "We planted it in memory of our daughter Frankie."

The air is knocked out of my chest and knot forms in my throat. There is a sadness in her voice that I know all too well and my hand trembles softly. _**"There is nothing more we can do."**_

I don't know this woman, I don't know what she's been through, and I don't even know who Frankie is. But, there is a pain that mirrors my own so I hesitantly place my hand over hers. "I'm sorry for your loss."

I regret it instantly, I want to take it back as her eyes soften in a way few people have looked at me before. I am used to the cold and rough. Used to screams and shoves. Punches and kicks. I know how to respond to violence and hate. How do you react to something you've never seen?

I pull my hand back and walk away from the cherry tree. "Did Bill want something?"

Lena clears her throat, "Bill wanted to talk to you before he left."

"Okay."

I follow Lena inside and Bill pulls me aside speaking in a hushed voice, "I haven't been with you long, I don't know who you are Maisie, but I need you to be good for Lena and Stef. They are really kind people so don't go causing any trouble for them, okay?"

I grind my teeth while slowly nodding my head because that's what I am: _**an**_ _**inconvenience**_, _**a burden. **_ I am to be seen, not heard. To stay silent, but to _**"speak up when I am talking to you Girl!" **_To stay in line, so I'm not kicked out of the latest temporary house.

"I noticed your file is missing a couple of things." My blood freezes and I hold my breath. "Did you know anything about that?"

I pinch the inside of my wrist and exhale, "I'm not supposed to look in my file."

Bill looks at me for a few seconds before picking up his suitcase. "Be good Maisie."

_Be good Maisie. _Why does it feel like a death sentence?

* * *

**A couple of months ago (when I should have been studying for multiple tests), I really got back into The Fosters. I finally watched the whole show and I loved it! I even began to watch Good Trouble. Anyway, watching the show reminded me about the fanfiction I wrote back in 2015. For fun, I decided to read it and I realized how terrible it was, like how did anyone enjoy reading it? At the time, it was one of the most popular fanfiction I had written and to this day I'm still pretty proud of it, but I never finished the story. I decided it was time to finish and rewrite a better fanfiction. These chapters will be a lot longer than the original and I have already nine chapters written and will begin writing more when I see how well this is received. Thanks all!**


	2. Chapter 2

"You'll be starting at Anchor Beach today with the rest of the other kids. The 6th-grade classrooms are by the main office where I work, I can walk you there or maybe Jude wouldn't mind showing you around?"

Jude shoves another spoonful of cereal in his mouth before nodding. "That's fine Mama."

My knee bounces impatiently. "Jude can show me around if that's okay?"

Lena makes a sound of agreement, "That's no problem."

Stef walks in with a blue uniform and a gun attached to her hip. My appetite ceases and I push away the bowl of cereal in front of me.

"Good morning my babies." Stef goes around kissing Jude and Callie on the forehead and lastly kissing Lena on the lips. "Are you excited for school, Maisie?"

My stomach lurches and I fight the urge to keep down _Corn Flakes_. "Yes, Jude is showing me around."

"That's very nice of you, love."

A pounding echoes through the house and the screaming begins, "Mariana! It's been fifteen minutes! It's my turn to use the bathroom!"

"Just five more minutes!"

"You said that five minutes ago!"

Stef peers over the staircase and yells out, "Mariana, Jesus! If you're both not down here in three minutes you'll be late for school!" She asks Lena, "Where's B?"

"He went to school early to practice piano." Lena starts passing out brown bags. "Don't forget your lunch. I hope you don't mind PB&J Maisie?"

_She thought of me?_ I shake my head, "That's fine."

_Beggars can't be choosers and there is no reason to not eat PB&J. _Jesus and Mariana race downstairs and Stef passes them their lunch bags, "Every out the door or you'll be late!"

I follow the others outside and peer back to the front door. Lena and Stef stand on the front porch waving to us. "Have a good day."

_What a strange family._

* * *

Anchor Beach is literally a beach. If I thought their house was fancy, it was nothing compared to the school. I'm lucky Lena is the Vice Principal because, without her, I would have never been placed at a school like this. Kids greet each other and join their little groups. People turn to catch a look at the new girl. I try to peer away from their gazes and tighten my grip onto my backpack.

Jude broke our silence, "It's a lot to take in, huh?"

I awkwardly nod my head. "Yup."

"Are you nervous?"

I jut out my chin. "Nah, after moving every seven months you kind of get used to moving to a new school each time?"

The truth is I'm terrified, but I'm not about to let Jude think I'm some big baby. Moving to a new school is never easy. Just when I think I'm finally settled and _maybe_ I can like it here, the floor is pulled out from under me and I'm moving once again.

Jude looks down at my schedule and guides me down a hallway. "How long have you been in the system?"

I answer, "About four years now."

He offers me a sad smile. "I was in the system six years before I was adopted by Lena and Stef. You'll like them, they're different."

I shrug my shoulders, I would reserve that opinion to myself. In the beginning, everyone seems like they are nice.

"Jude!", a girl begins to call Jude over.

Jude stampers out, "Be there in a sec!"

I roll my eyes and take my schedule from Jude's hand, "I can take it from here. Thanks for the help."

"Mama said-"

I walk past him and wave back. I'm used to being on my own, I didn't need help. I enter my first class and walk to the teacher's desk.

Thick glasses look up from her computer. "Oh, you must be the new student! What's your name again?"

"Maisie Belland."

She claps her hands and her top knot shakes a little. "That's great, I'm Mrs. Thames. Why don't you wait in the front to introduce yourself and then we'll find a seat for you."

I groan and stand patiently as students filter into the classroom. The bell rings and the door is shut.

"Good morning everyone. As you can tell, we have a new student with us. Why don't you introduce yourself?"

I shuffle and look out the window of the classroom. "My name is Maisie and I just moved here."

The students lack their teacher's enthusiasm as she curiously asks, "Where are you from?"

_I am from red wagons and paper airplanes. The color blue, stars that fill the night sky, and antiseptic. Too much antiseptic._

"Palo Alto."

"That's pretty far from here.", the comment comes from a blonde girl chewing gum.

"No chewing gum Chloe!" When Mrs. Thames back is turned, Chloe sticks her gum underneath her desk.

Mrs. Thames points to a table with an empty seat. "Why don't you sit next to David?"

I sit and pretend the paper in front of me isn't alphabet soup and act like a girl from Palo Alto.

* * *

Lunch couldn't come fast enough. I grip my brown lunch bag and look around the full tables.

"Maisie!" Jude waves me over but before I can reach him, someone intercepts me.

"Hey, why don't you sit with us?" Bubble gum girl pulls me to a table before I can object.

A girl in a yellow jacket leans on her elbows. "What's your name again?"

I answer placidly, "Maisie."

Bubble gum girl laughs, "Right, well I'm Chloe and this is Ada. You're from Palo Alto, right?"

I nod my head and bite into my sandwich. "Have you ever been to Stanford?"

My mouth fills with sand and I drop the rest of the sandwich into my bag. "Ada and I are like totally going to Stanford when we get older, that is if we don't get into Harvard."

Ada nods, "Totally, what is it like?"

"I don't know." I pick up my backpack. "I've never been."

I get up and give them a rushed smile that probably looked more like a grimace. "I'm going to the bathroom."

I sit in an empty classroom and pretend my heart is supposed to be beating this fast.

* * *

Numbers. They never lie. Numbers are universal in every language. It's the same at every school I have gone to. Numbers made sense. There is no need for translation. English is a cocktail of confusion and frustration, but numbers are straightforward. This is the reason why I love math.

"Get to work, Maisi-"

My math teacher stops as he stares at my paper. "I'm finished."

"I see." He collects my paper and clears his throat, "I have another worksheet for you to work on then."

The bell rings and I hand in the worksheet, "Okay class, We have a test tomorrow. Don't forget to study!"

* * *

"How was your first day?"

In sweatpants and a t-shirt, Stef doesn't look as intimidating, but looks can be deceiving.

I answer slowly, "It was okay. I met some nice people."

Lena leans forward. "Really, who?"

I spin my fork around some spaghetti. "Two girls named Chloe and Ada."

Lena nods her head approvingly. "They're really sweet girls. How was everyone else's day?"

Mariana sips her glass before answering, "Jesus and I can't decide what kind of party we want to have so I think it's only fair if we only have two parties."

Stef scuffs, "Nope, not happening. Find a way for both of you to celebrate your birthday together or nothing at all."

"But Jesus wants a skate park party! What kind of party is that?"

Jesus snorts, "Better than a dance party!"

"I'm sorry Mariana, Jesus, but we don't have the kind of money to be celebrating two parties. Please, find a compromise between the two of you."

Jude speaks up softly, "Speaking of parties, Connor's homecoming is coming up soon I was wondering if I can go up to L.A. to see him. The only problem is it's on the weekend of Mariana and Jesus's Birthday."

Mariana waves him off. "We don't mind, go see your boyfriend." Stef's eyes narrow at her and she quickly adds, "Only if it's alright with Moms."

Lena and Stef share a look before Lena answers, "We don't see a problem with that Bubba. We'll make it happen."

"Callie, Brandon, are you making any progress on your senior project?"

Brandon nods. "I think we can make this work. We just need to find a place to rehearse."

"That's great, B!"

Callie answers, "Justina has been a lot of help with getting _Fost and Found_ started. I can't wait for it to take off."

Stef smiles at both of them. "Keep up the good work." She takes a deep breath before continuing, "Since we're all here, we need to speak to you all about something."

Everyone around me goes into a panic, "Are you sick again?"

_**"Are you sick again?"**_

_**A small head buries into my shoulder and hiccups, "Hey, it's okay. Let me just find your inhaler."**_

_**Her blue eyes fill with tears and her body begins to shake with another cough, "I'm scared, Maisie."**_

_**I place my chin over her head and listen to the soft inhales. "It's okay. I'm here, nothing can hurt you as long as I am here."**_

Lena shakes her hands wildly. "No one is sick!"

A breath I didn't know I was holding, leaves me and I dig my nails into my palm.

Stef continues, "We want Maisie to feel safe and comfortable for as long as she's living here so we are going to add another bed to Mariana's and Callie's room."

Mariana stands up. "What?!"

Callie hisses, "Mariana!"

Stef crosses her arms. "I would watch that tone if I were you, young lady."

Mariana points to me. "There's not enough room for her here! Why are we even fostering her?"

Lena breaks the tension, "Mariana!" She sits back down and Lena says reassuringly, "It will be a tight fit, but we can make it work."

"It's okay." Everyone's eyes turn to me and I squeak out, "I can continue to sleep on the couch. I like it there."

_Please don't make me share a room with her, please._

Stef shakes her head. "No, you deserve your own bed, Maisie. Lena is right, we can make this work as long as we need to."

No one speaks for the rest of dinner.

* * *

Callie reassures me quietly, "Mariana will come around, okay? She was like this when I first came around too."

I snap, "This isn't my first foster home, I know how to deal with bitchy foster siblings."

"Hey!", Callie loosely pulls onto my wrist and I stumble in fright.

This is what I get for running on two hours of sleep. I thought I would sleep easier once the new bed was delivered, but it only made matters worse. It's not easy to close your eyes when the one you're sleeping across hates your guts. It's not easy to close your eyes when your dreams are full of nightmares.

Callie holds up her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but that's my sister you're talking about."

I mumble, "I'm sorry."

Callie sighs and continues walking to school, "I don't know if this means anything to you, but I'm happy you're here."

I freeze. "What?"

"You deserve a safe home Maisie and I'm happy that we get to provide you one even just for a little while."

I step back and trip over my own feet. "Are you okay?"

_No, I'm so exhausted and I don't understand. I don't understand why Lena and Stef ask me about my day and why they have the constant need to check up on me. I don't understand why Jude and Callie are trying so hard to be nice to be me. People aren't this nice unless they want something. _

"I forgot my book at the house. Go on without me, I'll make it to school on time!"

I run away before she can answer. After walking to and from school for the past two weeks, I knew these streets like the back of my hand. In all honesty, I left that _stupid_ English book on the kitchen table on purpose as an excuse in case the teacher called on me to read in class_. Looks like I'm bringing it after all_.

I stomp into the kitchen and the color drains from my face. The vodka bottle originally in Jesus's hand slips, I dive and let out a breath when it lands in my hand.

"Oh, thank god."

He grabs the bottle and I grab _Bridge to Terabithia _from the kitchen table.

Jesus voice trembles, "You're not going to tell Moms, right?"

It's funny, to see such a big guy tremble in fear of their parents. The _nice _image I once perceived of this house slowly crumbles. Drugs and alcohol is something I understand, it's strangely comforting to know some things stay the same. Even in this cookie cutter house, there are things they don't want people to see.

I roll my eyes and answer back, "They're your moms. Who are they going to believe?"

* * *

I walk the slowest I have ever back to school, I miss English. If they ask, I'll tell them I got lost.

Chloe grabs the paper out of my hands before I can even look, "Another 98!"

She huffs and crosses her arms, "You're like the smartest one in our class Maisie."

Ada adds, "I'm pretty sure she's the smartest in our grade."

I roll my eyes at their dramatics. "You're overreacting. You're way better at English then I will ever be."

Chloe perks up at this. "Really?"

I always felt three steps behind everyone, it didn't matter where I moved I am always behind. Behind on the latest gossips, the latest trends, and what is acceptable to like or dislike. My last school didn't care about school work, everyone just wanted to gossip about how Destiny kissed Justin by the water fountains. I didn't even know that boys no longer had cooties and we were supposed to start liking them. All Ada and Chloe talk about are grades and Stanford. It's as though their popularity is measured on the scores they get in class. I want them to like me and I've never been good at making friends. Maybe they will like me if they think we are the same.

My eyes soften at Chloe's insecurities. "I'm terrible at English, just because I'm good at math doesn't mean I'm the smartest."

Ada nods her head. "I guess you're right, but this is the third 98th you got."

Chloe grinds her teeth, "Let's just go to lunch, okay?"

It's then that I see her, jet black hair and lightly tanned skin. No one else notices her, but no one ever really sees what a foster kid sees.

I stamper out the next sentence, "I'll meet with you guys after lunch, okay?"

I don't wait from them to answer as I race across the lunch tables and reach the beach.

"Hello, Maisie."

I beam, "Sonya."

* * *

Sonya is the beginning, middle, and the end. Despite all her flaws, she knew me so well like an old book with dog-eared corners and a frayed spine. She is blunt and straightforward, never one to dance around the subject. This is why I am so confused by her actions.

"What do you mean you can't tell me what's going on?!"

"Maisie!" She hisses in my ear, "Keep your voice down or someone will hear us."

My voice hardens, "Tell me!"

Sonya quiets down before looking out into the ocean. "I deleted it. I deleted the whole thing from your file."

She turns to me with tears in her eyes. "What that monster did to you was horrible Maisie, I didn't want anyone in any way to be able to connect him to you-"

I murmur softly, "So, you deleted him from my file."

_She did it to protect me_. I try to convince myself this is her reason, but deep down I know it's not. _She's trying to save her own ass. _

She nods her head in affirmation and I sigh, "I'm sorry you lost your job."

There is a reason why I was never adopted. I ruin everything I touch, even the people around me.

Sonya grabs my hands. "Don't blame yourself. I made my own choices, I made my own bed. Now, you have to decide what choices you want to make."

I gulp, "What do you mean?"

Sonya admits, "I tried my best to erase him out of your life, but they are going to start asking questions and they're going to be asking you these questions. You have to decide if you want to keep quiet or tell the truth."

I jump up and pull at the roots of my hair. "Are you crazy! He will _kill _me!"

"I wish I did things differently Maisie." She confesses, "If I could do it all over again, I would have given you the chance to tell everyone what he did."

I want to believe Sonya. I want to believe she wasn't so selfish like everyone else I have ever met, but she's just my social worker. I'm nothing important to her, just another kid she has to look after.

I laugh bitterly, "Well, you didn't and I don't want to go anywhere near that man."

My teeth clench together, "I can't even sleep at night because one of my foster mom's is a cop. He was a cop and I keep imagining-."

My breath hitches, "I keep imagining that she will turn out to be just like him and I just want to forget everything that happened. Please, let me forget."

"Not everyone is like him, Maisie. You can't keep living your life in fear."

I mumble, "I just want to forget."

Sonya sighs before looking around in her purse. She pulls out a map and hands it to me, "Here, a bus route to the places you want to go. I doubt you asked your new social worker or your foster parents."

I take it and shove it in my pocket, "Thank you."

"I'm really sorry about everything, Maisie."

"Me, too."

* * *

Ada raises her eyebrow at me when I sit back down. "What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing. I just needed to go talk to someone."

A gasp fills the air, "You got a _42_ on our English test!"

My head snaps towards Chloe. My backpack is laid open wide in her lap and tightly in her fingers was my English test. My face heats up and I snatch the test and shove it in my bag.

I snap, "Why were you looking in my bag?"

Chloe's eyes widen. "I was only looking for your math test, I swear. I only wanted to know what the right answers were."

Ada comments, "I know you said you were terrible at English Maisie, but that's like the worst grade I've ever seen."

It wasn't the worse grade I ever made. I was honestly surprised when the grade was handed back to me, I expected a lot worse. I wish Ada and Chloe were like the girls at my last school. It's easier to point to random guys and pretend to like them, then actually trying to make a good grade in English.

I argue, "It was just a one-time thing, okay? I wasn't able to study for it."

Chloe's lips thin. If she didn't believe me, she said nothing at all.

* * *

**I'm really happy with all the feedback I got from my last chapter! You guys are amazing! I'm going to try to be consistent with updates so expect a new chapter every Saturday/Sunday (it'll depend on what day I am least busy). **

**Random trivia: **

**I originally wrote Maisie based on a picture (which is the cover photo of _The Invisible Child_). Now, I imagine her with brown hair, a tan, and light brown eyes.**

**Maisie originally had two social workers, Travis and Sonya. I wrote Travis out of my story because I think his storyline took away from the story instead of adding anything to it.**

**Originally, there was just Chloe and no Ada. Ada is the name of a girl I knew back in middle school.**


	3. Chapter 3

Stef announces, "Family Movie night!"

Groans fill the house, "What?!"

Mariana grins sheepishly, "Actually, I have a date with Nick tonight so-."

"No, siree. We are all watching a movie tonight, cancel all your plans."

Complains fill the air and Lena calls Jude over, "Come on Bubba. Help me make the popcorn."

"Hey, Maisie." I turn to Stef. "Why don't you pick a movie for us?"

Jesus calls out, "_Fast and the Furious_! Any of the movies from the trilogy!"

Brandon approves, "That or a comedy."

Mariana gags, "No way! If I'm missing a date for this we should at least watch _Mean Girls_, right Callie?"

Callie shakes her head and Stef quips, "Well, it's a good thing none of you are choosing as I specifically remember saying that it was Maisie's night to choose."

Her voice softens, "Go on choose one, Maisie."

A shelf is full of movies they have obviously collected over the years. I can imagine them going on Black Friday when all the DVD's are on sale and buying the latest movies to watch together as a family. At least that's what we used to do before-

I clear my head before randomly choosing a DVD with a little girl and a weird blue creature in the front.

Stef nods her head in approval. "_Lilo and Stitch_, good choice."

Jesus whines, "That's a movie for bab-."

Lena interrupts, "Be nice! I think that's a great movie to watch Maisie." She passes around bowls of popcorn. "Okay everyone, take a seat so we can start the movie."

I sit down on the floor by the edge of the couch and everyone soon finds their own places to sit. Stef presses play and the usually chaotic, loud noise that fills the Foster house quiets down.

"**Ohana means Family. Family means.."**

**Nani continues, "Nobody gets left behind…"**

**Lilo finishes, "Or forgotten."**

Mariana and Jesus reach for each other's hand and grasp onto each other tightly. I pretend I don't notice and continue to watch the movie.

"**Aloha `oe, aloha `oe**

**E ke onaona noho i ka lipo**

**One fond embrace,**

**A ho`i a`e au**

**Until we meet again."**

My throat closes up as tears involuntarily fill my eyes. The image of Lilo and Nani hugging was too close for comfort. I look towards my foster siblings, _Do they understand what Nani was trying to say?_ The way they snuggle up closer to Lena and Stef signals they do, they do understand.

_**I push back her hair and whisper softly, "It's okay, Alyssa. I will always love you and you'll always be my little sister."**_

I understand, too.

When the movie ends, Mariana yells out, "I love you so much Moms."

The rest of the siblings soon repeat what she said and they pull each other in a group hug. I slip away into the bathroom and hug my knees to my chest.

I wish I never picked that movie.

* * *

I wake up on the dot between two and three in the morning. Sleep never came easy. Mariana snores quietly in the background while Callie's limbs are spread out all over the bed in a starfish position. _What do they dream about? What helps them sleep at night? _

The stars, the stars are hidden from the night sky and the full moon peeks out from the cloudy sky. My nimble hands reached for a book with a creased spine and wrinkled pages from being opened and closed so often. I tiptoe down the staircase and into the kitchen table. I open the book to the page where it has been folded in the corner and stare at the words. I have never been able to finish this book, even as the years passed, my brain could not connect the words together and I was left staring at page 82. Page 82 that mocks me greatly, I would never know what happened after Aslan died. I would never know if Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy defeated the Witch. What about Mr. Tumnus? Would he remain stone for the rest of his life?

"Maisie?"

My knee jerks up and _The Chronicles of Narnia _swiftly went behind my back. Stef crosses her arms and I avert my eyes from her gaze. "What are you doing up so late?"

_What am I doing?_ I should have stayed tucked away in bed like I had many nights before, I wouldn't be in this situation if I did.

I fiddle with the bottom of my shirt and admit, "I couldn't sleep."

Stef sits into the stool next to me. "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

I firmly shake my head. "No." I hesitate before answering, "I'm just not sleepy."

Maybe, if I keep telling myself that, it will become true.

Her lips thinned before she turned and pulled out two cups. "Do you know what I drink when I can't sleep?"

I shrug and she continues, "Hot chocolate."

Stef pours hot water into the mugs before stirring the powder in. I question, "Isn't Lena against giving kids any kind of sugar?"

Stef grins before handing me a cup. "Well, I guess this will be our little secret."

"_**Maisie."**_

_**His hot breath sends shivers down my spine, "Promise me this will be our little secret, okay?"**_

_**My hands tremble and I slowly nod my head. "Say it!"**_

_**He shakes my shoulders until I finally manage to croak out, "I promise."**_

My blood runs cold and I down the scolding hot chocolate to feel something, anything.

"Maisie, be careful."

Every smears together: The walls, the burning hot chocolate, the sounds of crickets, and the ringing in my ears. My heart is beating too fast and there is something crawling up my throat-

"Maisie!"

The mug slips-

_SMASH_

breaking right in half and brown liquid seeps into the wooden floor, but that's the least of my worries. The book, which was once safely in my lap, has fallen to the floor and is absorbing all the liquid. I pick it up from the ground and my chin trembles as I finger through the wet pages of _Narnia._

"Stay in your seat! I'm going to get a broom-"

Stef maneuvers around the broken cup before crouching down in front of me. "What's wrong, Maisie?"

I sniffle back cries, "It's ruined."

Stef reassures me, "It's okay. We can get you a new book."

It bubbles out of me and I explode, "I don't want a new book! I want _**that **_book and I ruined it!"

Stef doesn't understand. She doesn't understand that I am stuck on page 82 and I _hate _number 82 for it's mocking ways because it's the only thing I fully understand on that page. She doesn't understand that Aslan is dead and _why _did he have to die? I don't understand, Aslan is pure and good-

_Heshouldn'thavedied!_

My chest shutters and I cradle the book lightly in my hands. "_**You ruin everything you touch!"**_

"What's going on here?"

Stef whispers quietly to Lena as she asses the situation and I can't stop crying.

"Hey." My chin shakes as I look up at Lena. "It's been a rough night, huh?"

I don't answer her but she continues anyway, "What if I told you there is a way to fix your book?"

My eyes widen and I mumble, "Really?"

Lena nods her head. "Yup, come on. I'll help you fix your book."

She holds out her hand and I hesitate before taking it. I look back in guilt as Stef cleans up the broken mug, but Lena pulls me along before I can say a word. I find myself sitting on Lena and Stef's bathroom floor next to Lena. A hairdryer is cranked to the lowest setting ("We don't want to wake up the rest of the kids.") and is placed over _The Chronicles of Narnia._ This is uncharted territory, never have I been allowed to enter my foster parent's room. I hide my discomfort behind my worry over _Narnia. _

Lena muses, "I remember when I used to read this to the twins and Brandon. To my surprise, Jesus ended up being the one who read the whole series."

She's piqued my interest. I knew little to nothing about Jesus except that he was once a former wrestler and ever since Stef caught him, a former vodka drinker.

"We fought tooth and nail to get Jesus to read, but never this book. Every night he would beg, _just one more page Mama_!"

Lena sighs before looking at me, "It must be a very important book to you, too."

I lament softly, "It's my favorite book."

"Still, it wasn't right for you to blow up on Stef. She was only trying to help."

I downcast my eyes, the fatigue is finally catching up with me. "I know. I'm sorry."

Lena smiles sadly at me. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing too."

I gather up my courage the next morning and just as Jude passes the ketchup to Jesus, I quietly apologize to Stef. When she doesn't answer back right away, I'm afraid she can't hear me over the loud noises around the table.

It's sudden, so soft I almost miss it.

Stef places a kiss against my forehead and murmurs, "No matter what you do, you will always be forgiven."

Then, it's over and _Narnia _is once again safely tucked into the bottom of my bag.

* * *

Chloe leans against the locker next to mine, "Are you going to invite us to Mariana and Jesus's party?"

My jaw drops. I haven't even told them I was a foster kid, let alone tell them who my foster siblings were. Mentioning that _**Meana Lena **_is my foster mom is practically social suicide. To them, I was just the girl who moved with her family from Palo Alto.

I question, "Mariana and Jesus Adams Foster?"

Ada rolls her eyes. "Of course, who else? It's all the upperclassmen have been talking about."

I turn the dial of my locker and ask, "And what makes you think I can get you an invite? They're juniors."

Chloe raises her eyebrow. "Hello! You're practically a girlfriend to one of their siblings. I see you always hanging out with him."

Boys. I can do boy talk, but talk is as close as I've ever gotten to actually _**dating **_a guy. I sheepishly scratch the back of my head. "I have no idea who you are talking about."

Chloe and Ada both yell out, "Jude!"

My eyebrows furrow and I bit my lip from laughing out loud, "You do know that he's gay, right?"

Their jaws drop. "What?"

"Besides" I grab my textbook from my locker and shut it. "The only reason Jude talks to me is because Mrs. Adams Foster asked him to show me around."

The excitement leaves their eyes. "Oh."

Chloe pleads once more, "Are you sure you can't ask him?"

I answer, "He told me he wasn't even going to be at the party. He's going to see his boyfriend in L.A. There's no point in asking."

* * *

"Did you ask Chloe and Ada if they could come to the twin's party on Friday?"

I say, "Actually, their parents aren't comfortable with them going to a high school party so they asked me to spend the afternoon at Chloe's house. Chloe said her parents are fine with picking me up after school and dropping me back off here."

Stef rubs her face. "I don't know. I'm not comfortable leaving you with someone we don't know."

Lena comes to my rescue. "I think we should let her go. I've met Chloe's parents before and they're really nice people. Chloe and Ada are some of the top students in their class. They're good kids."

Stef and Lena share a look before Stef gives in, "Okay, but you must be back before 9:00 pm and you have to memorize our numbers before then in case anything happens."

I can't contain the smile on my face. "Thank you so much!"

* * *

Ada and Chloe wave goodbye. "We'll see you on Monday!"

I wave back. "Bye!"

I wait until the car is out of sight before running to the bus stop. I breathe in and look at the map Sonya had given me weeks earlier. _I can do this. _

I get off the bus and enter the facility. Like many times before, the front desk worker waves for me to continue going and I enter room 106.

"Grandma Ruth!"

"Maisie!" She grabs my cheeks before kissing my face all over. "Oh, look at you! Stand up! I want to see how much you've grown."

I stand to appease her and she shakes her head in disapproval. "You are way too skinny, my darling. What are they feeding you?"

"I'm fine Grandma." I pull out my homemade card that without a doubt has filled my bag with glitter. "Look what I made you!"

Grandma Ruth squeezes me tight. "It's beautiful! I can't wait to hang it with the rest of my things."

Her voice turns serious, "How are you doing?"

I shift uncomfortably and say, "I was removed from my last foster home."

She nods her head in approval. "Good, I didn't like the stuff they were telling you, Maisie. Now, tell me about your new home."

"Well, my foster parents are Stef and Lena. Stef is a Police Officer and Lena is a Vice Principal."

Grandma Ruth questions, "Do they have any kids?"

I answer, "They have three boys and two girls."

Her eyes widen. "That's a lot of children. Are they taking care of you?"

I recite, "I eat three meals a day, I go to school, and go to bed at a reasonable time."

"Maisie." I pause and turn to Grandma Ruth. "Are they taking _**care**_ of you?"

My mind wanders to _The Chronicles of Narnia_ tucked into my bag. Stef didn't have to stay up with me and try to help me go back to sleep. Lena could have thrown my book in the trash, she didn't have to repair my book in the middle of the night. They didn't have to include me in movie nights or the game nights they had as a family, but they did.

I firmly nod. "Yes, they do."

It's Bingo night and I win nothing. Of course, Grandma Ruth has three new bears to add to her collection of stuffed animals in her room.

She whispers in my ear, "It's the luck of the Irish!"

I'm starting to believe it's true. By 8:00 pm, I'm walking back to the bus stop to ensure I make it back to the Foster's house on time. I show the bus driver my day pass and sit near the front of the bus where most of the empty seats are located. With nothing to do, I pull out my math homework and balance it on my knee while trying to get my writing to look better than chicken scratch. I look up for a split second to make sure I haven't passed my stop and my eyes see it but I don't comprehend it.

The bus is headed right into the next lane, the wrong lane. The side of the bus hits another bus's door, glass breaks into a horrifically beautiful scene, and the bus driver is suddenly awake trying to swerve back into its lane. The mirror on the side of the bus breaks off and we lurch into a stop. My pencil races across my paper and my head slams into the seat in front of me.

I rub my head against my forehead as the bus driver has the audacity to ask, "Is everyone okay?"

As the situation sinks in, the screaming begins. Red and Blue flashing lights pull to the side of the bus and I rush to look at my wristwatch: 8:40 pm. _I'm not going to make it in time._ I'm still a mile and a half away from the bus stop near the Fosters house. _Maybe if I run, I can make it. _

The cops make a big scene pulling the bus driver out of his seat and telling us to stay seated, but it's 8:45 pm and I'm going to be late.

I gather up the little courage I have and tell the female office, "I have to be home by 9:00 pm, my parents will be worried if I'm not home by 9:00 pm."

She pulls out her phone. "Well, let's just call your folks and tell them about the situation, okay?"

I stare at the phone in her hand but, I don't recite the memorized number Lena and Stef drilled into my head. If I call them, they'll know I lied and I don't know how they will react to that. I'm not their real kid. I'm not Jesus who was caught drinking alcohol but still given a birthday party. I'm not Jude, who canceled a bus ticket last minute without any consequences. I am temporary, I am disposable. Who is to say Stef won't raise her fist instead of her voice as soon as she hears about my lies?

"What's wrong?", the officer asks when I don't take the phone.

I confess, "They don't know I'm on this bus. I didn't tell them where I was going."

The officer crouches down. "What's your name kid?"

I hesitate before answering, "Maisie."

"Maisie." The seriousness in her voice makes me look her in the eyes. "If my daughter was in a car accident, I would want someone to call me right away. I wouldn't care if she lied, I would just like to know if she is safe. I think your parents would like to know if you're safe too."

I began to stutter, "I do- I don't know."

Foster parents are always nice in the beginning until you do something they don't like. I'm at a crossroad and I'm afraid of the consequences. It's 8:55 pm and the stars shine so bright against the night sky_\- I wish I had a family who would never hurt me. _

"It's time to call them Maisie."

"_**Call us if anything goes wrong, okay Maisie?"**_

"Okay."

* * *

I sit on the side of the road waiting for the inevitable to happen. The female officer sits next to me and reassures me that my parents are on they're way to come to get me and that everything will be okay. My parents are not worried sick or panicking. They do not care about the A+ I've made in math class or the years of birthdays missed. My mother could care less about me, I have no idea where my father is. My parents are never coming to pick me up, but Lena and Stef are.

"I'm a police officer! Let me through, my daughter is over there!"

Stef slips under the yellow tape first, her police training accounting for her speed, but Lena is not that far behind her. The moment Stef's arms around me, I am in shock.

She questions, "Are you okay, are you okay?"

I can't answer.

Lena gently probes my forehead and the officer answers before she asks, "She hit her head when the bus made a sudden stop. She has been checked out: no concussion, just some minor bruising."

Lena lets out a sigh of relief, "Thank god."

Stef wraps her arm around me. "Let's go home, okay?"

A feeling that I cannot describe makes its way up to my chest and I can only nod my head in agreement. They take their time, gently placing me in the car and double checking to make sure I'm buckled up. There are promises in the silence to continue the conversation in the morning, but all I can feel is relief. There is no yelling, screaming or punching. There is no fear, there is no pain. Just a warm feeling inside my chest the lulls me to sleep.

I wake up the next morning in bed inside Mariana and Callie's room. I expect sneers from Jesus and Mariana (mostly Mariana) about me ruining their party.

Mariana shrugs, "It was a rough night."

Her nonchalant answer surprises me and it gives me hope that Callie is right. _Maybe, Mariana is coming around. _

I help Lena and Jude make pancakes while Stef sips on her coffee. It's a quiet morning and I suspect something more has happened then everyone is letting on. Silence never last long in this family. After breakfast, Jude waves his game controller in the air. "Come play with me and Jesus!"

Stef interrupts before I can respond, "We need to discuss something with Maisie so why don't you guys head upstairs for a bit?"

The warm feeling has vanished leaving a sense of dread sinking into my bones and maybe this had been their plan all along. To lull me into a sense of security before they pounce. It's cruel, but life has been crueler and whatever they do can't be worse than that.

"You can never do that again, what you did is unacceptable. Do you realize how stupid you have been? Yesterday could have gone a lot worse and the only reason it wasn't is because of sheer dumb luck!"

"Stef!"

Stef takes a deep breath in and steps back while Lena continues, "Where were you yesterday? Please don't lie again. I already called Chloe's parents and they said they never picked you up after school."

My face falls, Chloe and Ada have probably already realized that I'm a foster kid. I didn't want them to know, it's so much easier when no one knows.

My nails dig into my palm and I answer, "I went on a bus to go somewhere."

Stef's eyebrows furrow. "You're eleven years old, where do you need to go?!"

"I…", I pause.

I didn't know how to tell them. I never told any before when I was going to see Grandma Ruth. Sonya figured it out on her own and decided there was no point in stopping me when I would continue to do it.

"Maisie." Lena's eyes are warm like the sun. "We just want to understand."

I mumble, "I need my backpack."

I run upstairs before they can respond and grab a folded up piece of paper at the bottom of my bag. I folded out in front of them to reveal the bus map Sonya had given me not to long ago.

I pass it to them and point to the address on the bottom corner of the map. "I went there."

Stef pulls out her laptop while Lena questions, "Where did you get this?"

I whisper, "I've had it for a while now."

Stef puts on her glasses, looks at the computer screen before taking them back off to look at me. "You went to a nursing home?"

I fiddle with my fingers and admit quietly, "I went to see my grandma."

Their eyes widen and Stef sputters, "We didn't know you have a grandmother."

"She's not really my grandma." I take a deep breath, "She used to foster me, but one day she fell really hard down the stairs and broke her hip. Her head hasn't really been the same so she had to stop fostering me. Most days are okay, but sometimes she thinks she's still fostering me and-"

My lip trembles and I hold back tears, "and sometimes, she doesn't know who I am. I was afraid if I told you about her, you wouldn't let me see her."

Lena cooes, "Sh,sh,sh. No honey, we would never do that to you."

I blurt out, "There was one this foster mom who hated when I talked about my previous foster parents. She told me I wasn't allowed to think or to talk about them and I thought-."

My body shakes and I can't hold back the tears any longer. Stef hugs me tightly while Lena rubs circles in my back.

"Love, we would never stop you from seeing your grandmother, okay? You don't ever have to worry about that, I need you to take a deep breath with me."

I do. I slowly follow Lena and Stef's breathing patterns while listening to Stef's heartbeat. It's calming and the tears stop falling down.

"We need to set new rules. First, you can never lie where you are going ever again, don't ever scare us like that again."

I nod into Stef's shoulder and Lena sighs, "Second, we are getting you a phone. You will take that phone with you always and never turn it off so we can know where you are. How does that sound?"

I agree and the mortification comes only after seeing my tears on Stef's t-shirt. Lena and Stef continue on as it was just a normal day and when I lay down to sleep I realize they never once hit me.

* * *

**This is the longest chapter yet. We've learned a little more about Maisie and her life before the fosters. We also see that she's getting a little more comfortable with the fosters. As always, thanks for all the positive response I've been getting and I appreciate all the feedback you guys give!**

**Random Trivia**

**_Lilo and Stitch_ was one of my favorite movies as a kid and I believe I was watching the movie while writing this chapter. **

**I did not read _The Chronicles of Narnia _as a kid and recently read the first book to add specific details in this chapter. **

**Grandma Ruth is a new character that was not included in _The Invisible Child _**


	4. Chapter 4

I spend the rest of the weekend playing video games with Jude and his friend named Jack. I know little about Jack except that his group home recently closed down and he is sleeping beside Jude's bed until another foster home opens up for him. Jude likes Jack, not like how he liked Connor, but Jack tries to help him get over Connor. I wonder what it feels like to like someone, Chloe always seems to like someone. She even talks about kissing guys behind the back of the school and Ada swoons at Chloe's stories. I ask Jude and Jack what it feels like to kiss someone but I didn't get a straight answer. Jude just turns a really bright red while telling me to ask Callie these kinds of questions while Jack burst out laughing.

I grit my teeth, "I'm serious! I want to know!"

They don't answer and I walk away in anger. I'm angry at the fact Jude and Jack won't take me seriously and I'm mad at myself for not understand such social cues that everyone else seemed to get. _I'm always three steps behind everyone. _

"Hey."

I turn and Jack squats besides me next to the bushes. He comments, "Nice hiding spot."

I'm too upset to answer him so we sit in silence before he speaks up again, "I'm sorry about earlier. I wasn't laughing at you I swear."

My eyes become wet and I croak out, "I don't understand why is kissing so important?"

He admits, "Well, it's not really that important. It's just how people show they like each other."

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

He nods. "Yes, but I kind of wish I didn't."

I tilt my head in confusion, Chloe liked kissing guys. She made it seem like it was the best thing in the world. "Why not?"

Jack hesitates "Kissing is special, you can't just go around kissing anyone you like. It has to mean something to both of you. I just wanted the person to feel better but I didn't think about how they would feel when they realized I didn't like them like that, you know?"

I nod despite not really understanding what he means. All I know is _kissing is special, _maybe that is why Jude was embarrassed about it when I asked him.

I turn my head in excitement. "Will you kiss me?"

His eyes widen. "_What?!"_

My nails dig into my palm as I answer, "Well, you're pretty special. You're really smart and you can beat the ultimate boss in Jude's game. Also, you are nice to me and I think kissing you would be nice."

Jack looks at me for a second and I can feel the heat rushing to my face.

_Just let me be normal for once. Let me be like all the other girls in my class who want to hold a boy's hand and kiss them on the lips. Can't I be normal for once? Can't I be loved like them?_

"Close your eyes.", he demands.

I do. In the dark trapped in my own mind, I notice how fast my heart is beating and how sweaty my palms have become. Mostly, I feel the excitement rising in my chest as I think about the ways how I can tell Ada and Chloe I kissed someone.

His eyelashes flutter against my skin and his nose slightly brushes against my face. What surprises me is how cold his lips are, they land for just a second before pulling away. My eyes snap open and can't help but wonder about the _feelings_ Chloe spoke about when she had kissed someone. I don't feel different, all I feel is a sense of disappointment in my chest that I have long been accustomed to.

I stamper out, "You kissed my cheek." They anger comes so quickly that it burns my insides. "That's not a kis-"

He questions, "How do you feel?"

_Disappointed. _

I can't find the words to answer so I stay silent. "Kiss someone you like-"

I retort, "I like you!"

Jack asks once again, "How do you feel Maisie?"

_**Disappointed**_.

A whine escapes the back of my throat and I rub my hands into my eyes. _Just kiss me!_

He pats the top of my head and sighs, "Kiss someone you really like Maisie."

_But, I don't like anyone. Not the way Chloe and Ada do. _

I don't ask for another kiss.

* * *

Jack leaves early on the day of Brandon's play of _Romeo and Juliet. _

Despite how embarrassed I am by how I acted before, I give him my farewells and hope for the best for his situation. Just as he leaves, there is a look in Jack's eye that shakes my core and I feel as though I'm staring back at myself.

_**A book is hurled at my face, "You said it wrong. You said it wrong! How do expect to enter the gates of heaven if you can't even recite a single prayer!"**_

_**Time freezes as the clink-clank of the belt is released from his pants. One hand pushing my face into the ground, the other raised in the air. **_

I remember the belt, the hands. The _THWAK, THWAK, THWAK _when I did something wrong (I could never do anything right).

I see the fear, the uncertainty in Jack's eyes as his social worker pushes him in the car and the horrible feeling grows in my stomach. It's that feeling I've relied on when people's hands burn and belts are my kisses. It's that feeling that's kept me alive after all these years.

Jack is gone and I'm still here (it's only a matter of time).

* * *

"**For all of us waiting, our time will come. The truth will then set us free. Day will rise, night will fall. To you who are waiting, your kingdom will come. For one and for all. **These are the lyrics from one of Jack's favorite metal bands…"

The smell of salt and the sound of waves overtake my senses.

Jack Downey is dead and there is no one to mourn him except strangers. _Is this my reality? Is this my fate?_

I can still feel his kiss against my cheek and it's haunting. Like a ghost, it never leaves and I try to understand the lesson Jack was trying to teach me but I _can't. _

_Why am I so stupid? Why can't I ever understand anything?_

I stop caring. I stop pretending to know the words in _Bridge to Terabithia _when Mrs. Thames calls on me to read and I ignore the noise of pencils pushing as I stare at a blank page. I lose my lunch in the toilet before the break is over and I want to sleep. I want to hide under the covers stuck on page 82 of _The Chronicles of Narnia_ and drink hot chocolate. I never knew how much I needed hot chocolate until this very moment.

"You can't read!", Chloe declares as though she has finally solved the answer to the universe.

I don't hesitate my next words. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Ada huffs, "Why don't you admit it's true Maisie? Everyone in class can tell how much you are struggling to read, you never struggle this much with math."

I wish now more than ever that I can just tell them how I kissed a boy. I kissed a boy and it was fairytales and fireworks-

_**Jack Downey is dead.**_

I slam my locker shut. "I'm just tired, okay? Just drop it."

"What's with the stick up your ass?" My jaw drops. "You're always acting like your better than all of us. Just admit it, you can't read."

Ada frowns and admonishes her, "Chloe."

I shake my head in denial and hiss, "You have no idea what you're talking about."

Chloe steps forward into my space. "Really? Everyone around here has been looking at you like you're the next Einstein. Just because you get the highest grades in math class, doesn't mean you're special. Once everyone realizes you're a fraud, they won't care what you have to say."

Chloe takes a step back and Ada looks like she wants to be anywhere but here. "So, what's your secret? How do you cheat? Who do you pay to give you the answers to every math test we have?"

My face turns red and it bubbles deep from a place I kept so tightly under lock and key, "_Je sais lire!"_

Any color leaves my face and the spark of anger is put out. Ada and Chloe look back at me with equally gobsmacked expressions, but I can't look them in the eye. I run away face down and hide in the bathroom stalls until the final bell rings.

* * *

"Can I stay home from school today?"

"Are you sick?" Lena touches my forehead. "You don't feel like you have a fever."

I plea, "Please, just for today."

Lena and Stef share a look and whatever hope I have is squashed. I don't know how to play my cards right in this situation. I've never had to ask permission to miss school. If I didn't feel like going to school, I didn't go, but Lena is the Vice Principal of Anchor Beach and I don't know how to act in these situations.

Stef kisses my temple. "How about you go to school and if you start to feel worse, go to Lena's office and I'll pick you up. Okay, peanut?"

I should push her away, slap her for calling me such a childish nickname. Instead, I lean into it and nod in agreement. Jack is a wake-up call, I shouldn't normalize this behavior. The world doesn't work this way and I've stopped. I've stopped hiding food in case I was refused a meal, I've stopped flinching every time someone has tried to touch me, I've stopped being so _damn _afraid. I've gone soft and I don't know how to go back.

Callie calls out, "Come on, Maisie!"

Lena passes me my brown lunch bag while Stef holds out my backpack. I give them a grateful smile and run after Callie. The whole walk to school Callie explains to me how _Fost and Found _works. She even tells me I can use it if I would like to post something. I don't answer her, mostly because I don't want to hurt her feeling by telling her I would never use it. I didn't want to tell anyone anything about my past homes, they are my secrets to keep and I would bring them to the grave.

"Callie, do you have any proof that Justiana Marks is employed by Arbiter?"

We're ambushed by a cameraman and a random news lady.

Callie pushes me behind her. "No comment."

Callie urges me forward until the lady asks, "Is it true you made these false allegations because she found out you were having sex with your foster brother, Brandon Foster?"

Callie looks like a deer in headlights, I gently grab onto her sweater while mimicking her response, "No comment."

I pull her into a secluded hallway away from prying eyes. "Callie?"

I was there. I saw the fire in Callie's eyes and the passion she spoke for Jack. She stood up and told the whole world about the injustices of the foster care system and how kids like Jack deserved justice.

_I want to be brave, just like Callie. _

However, the person who spoke against Justiana Marks is gone and Callie shaking beside me in fear. It wasn't exactly a secret in the Foster's house that once upon a time Callie and Brandon liked each other, even I knew that.

_Maybe, she's afraid they will revoke her adoption?_

I slip my hand into Callie's and pull her along. I would be lying if I said I didn't like any of my foster siblings. Jude who played video games with me, Jesus who is trying to teach me how to skateboard, Callie who has me pose for her pictures, and Brandon who trades me his cookies for carrots. Even Mariana, who sometimes would look over my math homework and smile approvingly. They've sneaked into my heart faster than any other foster siblings have and I wasn't going to let them down.

I pull Callie right into the front office and gently nudge her into the seat in Lena's office.

Lena's eyes become worried. "Maisie-."

I interrupt her, "There are reporters on campus looking for Callie. You should probably do something about that."

Lena opens her mouth to ask something but Callie call for her attention. "Mama?"

Lena rushes to Callie's side and I motion to the door. "Thank you Maisie. You can go."

I rush to class, intending to get there before the bell rings, and the chattering stops as soon as I enter the classroom. Everyone is in their seats, some kids giggle or snort as I pass there seats and alarms go off in my head. I turn to Chloe whose eyes are full of triumph and Ada who turns away from my gaze. Taped to my desk is a single paper with a single word.

I try to pronounce it out Sp-ahhh-zzz, but it's not making sense. It's not a word in my vocabulary and I can only think of _spasme_, but that's not right.

_I'm never right. _

Tears fill my vision and smash the paper in a little ball into the bottom of my bag. I feel like heavying and crying at the same time because they are right- I am a fraud. I don't know how to read English.

* * *

I sit on a toilet seat, knees up to my chest as sobs course through my body. I didn't have the confidence to dance around with English so during the passing periods I hid in the upperclassmen bathroom to skip class. I wait until the chatter has stopped, the halls have become quiet, to start crying.

I don't remember France. My eyes did not light up like Papa and Maman when they started reminiscing about Angers. Reminiscing their great love story: Papa left Greece and moved to France and by a stroke of fate he met Maman and they'd been in love ever since. We left for America when _she_ was born and I was only three. I don't remember France, but I remember many hospital beds, too much antiseptic, and promises of a cure.

**"_The doctors are going to make Alyssa better and then we will go back. They will cure her and we will go back home."_**

We always spoke French: at the grocery store, at the medical center, at home. It didn't matter where we were, Maman and Papa always spoke French to us. Even when everyone around us spoke in English, they talked in French. (Sometimes, Papa would speak to us in Greek. Greek never felt as comfortable as French and I often stumbled over my words as he spoke rapidly.)

**"_How can we go back to France if you don't speak French?"_**

It only made sense that Maman taught us to read in French. When we entered the foster care system, I soaked up the English words so the kids would stop laughing at us. It was a trade: as my English vocabulary grew, my Greek dwindled away. I remember the hushed _S'agapo _before we went to sleep but everything else I forgot. I have forgotten my Greek, I have forgotten my culture (I have forgotten Papa). Time continued, when they picked at my accent, I spoke things in a more American way until no one suspected I spoke French or Greek at all and by then, no one realized I didn't know how to read in English. I still didn't know how to read passed four-letter English words out of _Dick and Jane_ and it's too late to admit it to anyone. You're stupid if you didn't know how to read at eleven, so I hid my illiteracy behind false bravado and laughs.

It is humiliating and embarrassing. Grandma Ruth was the only one who noticed and would read aloud _The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe _to me. She would read aloud and I would repeat sentences back to her. It's the only reason I made it this far without anyone noticing before. Now, I grew careless and people have noticed.

I cry into my knees until there is nothing left but soft hiccups and heavy breathing. The bell rings again signaling a passing period and I go to the sink to wash my face.

I'm met with bloodshot eyes and a blotchy face. I sigh before splashing my face with water and prepare myself to go to class.

"Maisie?" Mariana's eyebrows furrow. "Are you okay?"

I'm at my wit's end, I just want to be left alone. I bit my lip and turn away. "Why do you care? You hate me! You don't even speak more than two sentences to me."

"I don't hate you.", the confession is so soft I almost miss it.

I laugh bitterly, "Well, it really doesn't seem that way."

"I…" She pauses before beginning again, "I'm jealous of you."

The statement perplexes me and I question, "Why?"

Tears fall from her eyes. "Because I'm no longer the youngest girl and in some ways, I felt like you were replacing me."

My jaw drops. "No way! Lena and Stef adore you. They love you and your siblings so much."

Mariana laughs, "They love you too, you know?"

I don't. The statement knocks the wind out of my lungs until I am breathless.

Mariana pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry for being such a jealous bitch."

It bubbles out of me escaping from a place deep inside where it had been hiding all these years. I giggle, "Lena says we shouldn't curse."

"Well, sisters are supposed to look out for each other so we won't tell Mama about it this time."

The sadness has been washed away and I feel lighter than ever until Mariana asks, "So, what's wrong?"

I unroll the balled up paper from the bottom of my bag and show her. Her cheeks turn red and she demands, "Who did this? Who's bullying you?"

I nonchalantly shrug. "It was a one-time thing." I peer down at the paper. "What does it mean?"

She pauses before throwing the paper in her bag. "It doesn't matter. It's a mean word and you should tell Moms about this."

I shake my head rapidly and beg, "Please don't, I will handle this."

Mariana's voice softens, "Maisie, you don't have to do anything on your own anymore, you have us."

"I don't want to be known as the girl who snitches."

Mariana crosses her arms. "Fine, you tell me who they are and I will deal with them."

My eyes widen. "Mariana!"

She walks to a bathroom stall. "Can we continue this conversation in a second? I really needed to go pee the moment I walked into this restroom."

I hop onto the sink and wait for her to be done when the intercoms come to life.

"THIS IS A CODE BLUE, A CODE BLUE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL"

_What's a code blue?_

The sound of splashing echoes through the bathroom. "Shit!"

Mariana comes out of the stall waving toilet water off her phone. "Come on!"

A sense of panic overcomes me as I follow after her. "What's a code blue?"

She hesitates before answering, "Someone has a gun."

We head to the first classroom we see and Mariana tries to open the door, it's locked. She knocks rapidly on the door while saying, "Let me in, please! It's Mariana, Mariana Adams-Foster."

No one answers back and I tug on her sweater. "No one is going to open the door Mariana, we need to find a place to hide."

If it's possible, Mariana knocks even harder. "Please, my little sister is out here with me. Open the door please."

My vision becomes blurry. "Please, Mariana."

She passes me and begins to knock on other doors while pleading them to open the door.

_BANG_

I drop to the floor and cover my hands over my ears. I know that sound, I know that sound well and never did I imagine that I would be hearing it at this school.

This school is _nice _and I am _rough_ like sandpaper and pebbles that dig into your hands when you fall onto concrete. Anchor Beach was never supposed to be anything but nice.

Hands tug me up from the floor. "Maisie, Maisie! It's going to be okay!"

I remember evil grins, hands that left bruises, and cold metal digging into my temple. "_**Shut up! Shut up or I'll blow your brains out!"**_

I croak out, "We're going to die!"

Mariana holds my face between her palms while firmly saying, "No, we're not!"

She tugs me to the lockers and her hands shake wildly as she turns the combination. It opens with a silent _click_ and she's ripping things out the locker until it's empty.

"Get in."

I don't hesitate to do what she says until she's closing the locker. "What about you?"

Mariana's lip trembles, "I'll be fine."

I scoot further into the locker. "We can both fit."

She shakes her head. "I can't!"

"You can.", I insist.

"I can't fit so I need you to brave. I'm scared too, but we have to be brave together."

I frantically try to get out of the locker. "We can find another hiding place, I'm not leaving you here alone!"

Mariana blocks my exit and hisses, "No! I will find another hiding place, but you _**have**_ to stay in here."

She lets out a shaky breath, "It's going to be fine. Mom is probably here right now and she's going to find us both. Stay silent and don't say anything until I come for you, okay?"

I can't believe this is the same girl who I thought hated my guts not even ten minutes ago. I can't believe she would put my life in front of her own. I want to beg her to stay, burst into tears and tell her I can't do this, but I have to be brave.

"Okay."

"_**I need you to brave. I need you to be brave for me, okay?"**_

_**I nod even though my heart is in my chest and I am afraid to close my eyes, but I do because I have to be brave.**_

_**I close my eyes and like clockwork, He enters the bedroom at 2 am. The bed dips softly and I can feel her shaking behind. I want to cry out, I want it to stop, but I am silent and brave. **_

_**His pants and shirt drop to the floor. NO- this is not happening. I am back on the beach chasing after Alyssa but He smells like beer and cigarettes. I am giving Alyssa a piggyback ride but something sharp and cold is digging into my back. She is sobbing beside me and He moves swiftly like a snake. The blanket is ripped away and the cold rushes in. Where is the warm sun? We are on a beach and the sun is supposed to be warm but it is so, so cold. He is on top of me, crushing me- I can't breathe. She is sobbing so loudly next to me that I can't hear the waves. How can She be sobbing so loudly?! Goosebumps, goosebumps across my shoulders, down to my stomach- My eyes spring open. I don't want to be brave anymore! His hand slips in- NO! NO He cannot touch me there!**_

_**This isn't happening!**_

_**I'm at the beach with Alyssa-**_

_**I'm at the beach-**_

_**I SCREAM.**_

_**He hurts me,**_

_**I scream so loudly even when the butt of the gun rams into my face-**_

_**and hurts me, **_

_**I scream because He is crushing me and my lungs are going to explode!**_

_**and hurts me.**_

_**I scream until He slams the door and She slaps her hand over my mouth whispering, "You were very brave."**_

There is stomping, so much stomping. I can only see the flashes of light that enter and exit the locker. Both of my hands cover my mouth as I hold back a scream down my throat. _This is not the same, I cannot scream anymore. I have to be brave._

But, I find it hard to stay still and silent.

_The must have forgotten about me. They must have left me behind._

This locker is suffocating-

_I need to get out-_

_Oh god, I need to get out!_

"Maisie?"

I freeze. My heart is beating so loudly it must have given me away.

"Maisie, It's Stef. Can you hear me?"

I stutter, "S-s-s-Stef?"

"I'm here, love. I'm here, just give me a second."

The light is blinding and I burrow further into the locker. It takes a moment to recognize the two blurry people: Mariana and Stef.

My heart cries, "You came."

My legs feel like jello so Stef picks me up. I am too old to be held, but she picks me up and wraps Mariana up in her other arm. We are finally outside and Mam- Lena is running towards us. She hugs us so very tight and soon Jesus has joins the hugs. Then, everyone is there: Callie, Jude, and Brandon and everyone is crying and hugging. Despite how exhausted I am, I've never felt safer in my life.

* * *

Stef paroles the house like a caged animal checking locked windows and doors. The others don't watch her movements as we watch the movie from the living room, but I do. _Maybe it makes her feel better?_ The gun has been locked away and Nick sleeps in a jail cell tonight. The only shots that have been fired are from an idiot teacher who brought a gun to school. Logically, I know we are all safe, but if Stef feels better making sure everything is locked up, I'm not going to stop her.

Jesus groans, "I can't believe you guys are making us watch a G-rated film starring a worm."

Mariana objects, "I love this movie."

"Yea, you would."

"Okay, just because I didn't cut class to have sex in a car-."

My nose scrunches up. I want no part of this conversation.

Lena warns, "Mariana."

Stefs adds, "You're grounded by the way."

Jesus mumbles, "It's no different from right now."

Jude questions, "So besides Maisie, am I the only one in this house not having sex?"

Stef's jaw drops, "You're 14-"

Lena snaps, "Let's just watch the movie, okay?"

I nod my head in agreement. The movie ends and we're all tucked into bed. With no phone or computer as a source of entertainment, Mariana and Callie fall asleep easily. I stare at page 82 and think of the crumpled up paper in Mariana's bag.

I spell it in my head S-P-A-Z.

I try to say aloud quietly under my breath but it doesn't sound right. I'm spelling it wrong, saying it wrong, or it's a word I don't know. I don't know which option is the lesser evil. When the crying starts, it's so faint, but it's Mariana's shaking frame that gives her away. I get out of my bed quietly, tip-toe across the cold floor, before squeezing my way into Mariana's bed.

She turns until she is on her back side-by-side to me. "Maisie?"

I hesitate before asking, "What happened after you put me in the locker?"

Mariana has a far-eyed expression as she recounts her story, "I hid in the bathroom we were in before, then I heard him calling my name-I didn't think-"

She continues with a shaky breath, "I just kept thinking how scared I was when no one let us in the classroom. I ran to his voice so we could hide together, but then I saw the gun-"

Her voice stops in disbelief, "He had a gun- I was so scared. He kept pointing it at me and then he pointed it at himself. I kept thinking he was going to kill himself in front of me so I just started speaking. I don't even remember what I said but he finally put down the gun and it was over."

She admits quietly, "I'm so scared, I can't sleep."

With that statement, I grab onto Mariana's hand and squeeze it tight.

"When I'm scared, I imagine I'm on a beach." Mariana leans her head onto mine and I continue, "I'm on a beach and the sun is rising. I can feel the sand in between my toes and hear the waves crashing into each other. The water is a beautiful, beautiful blue and imagine I am with someone special."

"Who?"

_Alyssa. _

I answer, "Brandon and Jesus are in the water trying to dunk each other under and Jude is trying to splash them both. Callie- she's wearing those big black sunglasses while she's sunbathing and every once in a while, she'll look up and take a picture of what she sees. Lena is reading some book and Stef is yelling at us to-

We say it at the same time, "_**Put on some sunscreen you hooligans!**_"

The giggles tumble out and we are breathless out of laughter, "What about us? Where are we?"

I lick my lips, "We're building a sand castle with walls so high and strong that no one can get in. We build a sand castle that is safe- a place where no one can hurt us. It's a lovely place to be and everyone on the outside is jealous of our sand castle. Do you want to know a secret?"

Mariana is dozing off, not even bothering to reply to my question.

I whisper, "Right now, we are in our sand castle. This house is our sand castle, we don't have to be afraid anymore."

Mariana's breathing evens out and the small snores I've become accustomed to start to leak out. In the warm bed, my eyes become heavy and I dream of a day on the beach.

* * *

**A lot happens in this chapter and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I write Maisie based on my own experiences as an 11-year-old girl so maybe that is why I feel a little awkward about this? In Junior high, I was placed in Pre-Ap/Advance classes and everyone was really competitive about grades so if you feel this scenario is far off, it wasn't for me. Thank you all who have left a review (they really make my day) and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Random Trivia**

**Jack originally didn't have such a significant role in this chapter until a couple of weeks ago and he was not apart of _The Invisible Child_.**

**I don't remember why I made Maisie French? As weird as it sounds, I'm not sure why I choose that out of all the possibilities. I do have a clue why but that will remain unwritten for now. **

**Mariana and Maisie originally clicked right away but I felt like that really wasn't Mariana's character at all so I changed it up. **


	5. Chapter 5

I don't blame Mariana when she forgets about my problems, she has her own problems to deal with. People call her whore and say it's her fault Nick flipped. They point their fingers at her and blame her for all of his actions. Of course, she handles it Mariana's way: by standing up in front of the whole school during the assembly and calling out the people who bullied her.

I'm not Mariana, I don't have the courage to stop their whispers and pointing. I learn the hallway is a battlefield and gunshots are going on in my head. A paper falls out of my locker each morning with a new word. Words that continue to grow longer and more complex that I have no chance to even grasp at their meaning. I'm not stupid, kids can be cruel and each word is an arsenal of weapons to tear me down (It won't). Their petty words lack the punch of angry hands and men who are beast.

Like every morning, a paper comes falling onto the floor. I stare at hoping it will disappear when someone picks it up.

Mariana looks it over before handing it to Jesus. "Who's doing this?"

I hiss, "You told Jesus?!"

She shrugs. "He's my twin. I tell him everything."

I roll my eyes as Jesus crumbles up the paper. "Doubtful."

"Maisie." There is a serious glint in Jesus's eyes that reminds me that he's not just an irresponsible teenager, he's a protective sibling. "Like it or not, you're basically our little sister. Start talking or we'll get Brandon, Callie, and Jude involved."

I wave an imaginary white flag. "Okay, okay. Just don't tell anyone else. A girl in my class found out something about me and told everyone in my class and now everyone thinks I'm a-."

The word feels uncomfortable in my mouth like that time soap was forced down my throat. "Spaz."

Jesus growls, "You're not an idiot, Maisie. You're a smart girl and you're pretty badass too. I was never able to teach Mariana how to skateboard but I taught you."

Mariana's shoulder bumps him. "Hey!" She turns to me. "But in all seriousness, we want names."

My eyebrows raise. "Names?"

She nods her head. "Yes, now."

I grip onto my backpack and mumble, "...I- I don't know."

"Brandon!" Jesus waves his hands in the air and I jump up to pull it down. Brandon waves back in confusion before going on his way.

I sigh in relief, "Fine! I'll give you the names."

The papers stop falling out of my locker, spitballs stop coming my way, and people stop excessively picking on me to read aloud. I don't know what Mariana and Jesus did, but people stop staring and whispering at me.

Chloe and Ada also stop being my friend. In fact, I have no friends and no one wants to speak to the illiterate girl. I would be eating alone during lunch time if it weren't for Jude. Every day, he pulls me to his lunch table with Taylor and Daria so I don't have to eat alone. It brings a warm feeling inside my chest to know that they care, all of my foster siblings care about me.

* * *

"You can still invite Chloe and Ada to Mama's party tonight if you want to Maisie."

Lena isn't Mama, but I don't correct Stef because five out of the six children in this house are actually her kids.

I sigh before admitting, "Chloe and Ada aren't my friends anymore."

Stef's eyebrows furrow, "Why not?"

Mariana mumbles, "Good." Jesus elbows her shoulder. "_Ouch_!"

Stef narrows her eyes on us. "Is there something I should know about?"

I didn't tell them. Even when Lena said I could ask them to her party, (It was only fair since everyone else was bringing their friends along) I declined. I didn't want to tell them that Chloe stabbed me in the back and Ada turned a blind eye. I didn't want to tell them how lonely I was at school.

I answer before the other two can, "No, we're just not friends anymore."

"Okay." She kisses my forehead. "I just want to make sure everything is alright."

"It's fine."

* * *

I'm not sure what to think of Dana and Stuart. Stuart is goofy and cracks jokes, but Dana is the opposite. She is very stoic and imitating, but the moment she sees Lena, her eyes soften before wrapping Lena in a hug. I suppose they are good people. They insist that I call them Grams and Grandpa, but the words feel clunky in my mouth so I avoid titles altogether. I've never had a grandparent's before Grandma Ruth. Maman was an orphan, Papa's did not speak about his parents. I don't know how to act around them, but I hope my shy smiles are enough for them.

Lena buys me a sparkly black costume with pants that flare at the bottom and a matching headband. I wobble around in white platform shoes and hope to not fall on my face. I drink too much soda and more cake than Lena would approve of. I laugh as Jenna tries to get Gabe to dance with her but Gabe keeps trying to get away.

Stef jokingly crosses her arms. "What are we laughing at, huh?"

I point to a Jenna who now has her arms wrapped around Gabe and let out a string of giggles. Stef shakes her head. "Poor guy."

She puts out her hand in my direction. "Come dance with me."

I shake my head and jab, "No way! I don't know how to dance to your old 40's music."

Her eyes narrow and before I know it she has my head under her arm giving me a noogie. "Who are you calling old?"

I push her away laughing, "I concede! You're not _**that**_ old."

She pulls me along playfully. "C'mere! I'm not too old to kick your butt in a dance battle."

I switch partners with Stef and Lena until they force my foster siblings to join us on the dance floor. I dance until my feet ache and my limbs feel like jello. My cheeks hurt from laughing too much and my face is a rosy color from the lack of oxygen. At the end of the night, Lena and Stef pull me into what they call a 'Mama sandwich' and I feel so light and warm. Through all the dancing and laughing, only one thought is on my mind: _I'm so happy._

* * *

I walk back home by myself today. Brandon is living with Cortney, Jesus and Mariana have their robotics club, Jude is going to youth group with Noah, and Callie is working on her senior project. When I enter the house, I expect a tranquil silence that is quickly interrupted. I find the source of noise in the shed and go out to investigate.

"Jesus?"

He points the nail gun to the floor and wipes the sweat off his forehead. "Maisie, what are you doing here?"

I raise an eyebrow and ask, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be helping Mariana build a robot? She's been looking for you all day, she practically flipped when you didn't show up during lunch."

He looks around the room. "I just been-."

He sighs and confesses, "Gabe hasn't been showing up lately and Moms were starting to ask questions. I didn't want Gabe to get in trouble so-."

I finish for him, "So, you've been doing his job." A realization hits me. "Wait, how did you get home before me?!"

Jesus sheepishly rubs his head and responds, "I kinda skipped last period."

I whistle, "If Lena or Stef find out, they're going to flip."

"Please don't tell Moms."

I roll my eyes. "If I didn't tell them about the whole vodka thing, I'm not going to tell them about this. Siblings come first, remember?"

He gives me a grin and a fist pump. "Siblings."

I hop onto a table and his eyes widen. "What are you doing? Go back inside."

I state matter-of-factly, "Lena and Stef aren't going to be here any time soon, also I'm not leaving you here on your own."

"It's dangerous in here Maisie."

I cross my arms and retort, "You've just proved my point. You need someone here to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

"Fine." He pulls out some glasses and puts them on my face. "Just stay over there and don't distract me."

I mock salute him and pull out my math homework.

_Pew _

_Pew _

_Pew _

The nail gun goes on a steady rhythm until the _ring, ring _of Jesus's phone stops it.

"Can you check that for me?"

I pick it up and open his text message. "It's Mariana. She's asking where you are in capital letters."

"Ignore it."

I place it back down and sit back in my spot.

_Pew _

_Pew_

_Ring-Ring_

"God, Mariana!"

Jesus takes one look before placing it down and going back to work.

_Pe-BAM_

My eyes widen. "Jesus!"

He's silent for a second before his hands go up to his temple and he groans in pain. "How bad does it look?"

I cringe. "It's not bleeding a lot. Maybe you should put a bandage on it? What happened?!"

He points to the phone. "I got distracted by the phone and put the nail gun to close to my face. When I went to use it again, it must have recoiled and-"

He motions a punch with his hands and his head goes flying back. I look up at his bloody forehead. "Maybe we should tell-"

"No!" He wildly gets up and sways. "I'm fine, see?"

Jesus claps my back. "Let's go find a band-aid, okay?"

He swaggers off as if nothing is wrong and I rest the urge to throw up my hands up in the air. I pick out a Hello Kitty band-aid, but before I place it on Jesus's head, he plucks it from my hand.

"Oh, hell no. Are you trying to wreck my vibe?"

I deadpan. "You just hit yourself in the face, I wrecked nothing for you."

He sticks his tongue out before pointing to a neutral band-aid. "That one."

I place it gently on his forehead and hand him a mirror, "It doesn't look too bad, but I have no idea how you are going to explain this one to Lena and Stef."

"It's fine, I'm a smooth talker."

I scuff, "I bet Mariana would beg a differ."

"Hey!"

* * *

Brandon comes in tow with Mason. He sets out a blanket for Mason and sits him in the middle, "This blanket is an island and the rest of the floor is an ocean. If you go off the blanket, you'll drown."

I laugh as Mason blatantly disregards Brandon's statement. Mason tries to climb on a shelf and his grubby little hands reach for a very expensive antique.

"No,no,no,no! We don't touch that Mason."

Brandon huffs before placing him back on the blanket and I offer, "I can watch him, you know? Take him outside while you practice."

Relief spreads across Brandon's face. "Thank you so much, I owe you big time."

I direct Mason outside and sit him on the old swing outside. I push him gently so he doesn't fall.

Up, down, _wheee._

Up, down, _wheee._

Mason swings until his short attention span ends and he's running around like a banshee. I chase him around until I'm out of breath and let him explore the yard. My bladder makes itself known so I sit Mason on my bed and use Brandon's technique, "Okay buddy, the floor is lava so you have to stay on the bed until I get back."

I use the bathroom and return in a record of time to find Mason well, gone. I search all the bedroom: Brandon's, Mariana's and Callie's, and Jude and Jesus, but he is nowhere to be found. _How old is Mason, five? Can five-year-olds climb down the stairs themselves? _I peek down the stairs, if Mason had gone down the stairs Branon would have heard it, right?

Of course, there is one room left that I haven't checked that terrifies me: Lena and Stef's room. The door is wide open and even though Stef and Lena aren't home, it feels like an invasion of privacy. I force myself in: right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot and hiss, "Mason!"

Blankets and pillows have been thrown to the floor and my heart drops even before I see it.

"Oh, no."

Purple and blue eyeshadow spread across Mason's face. His left-hand holds a lipstick that he's already trying to apply to his face. "No, no, no, no! We don't do that Mason."

I push the makeup out of his reach and pull him up to the sink. "Oh, god. What have I done?"

"Maisie?"

I wonder how this looks to Stef. I'm balanced against the sink: One arm wrapped around Mason, the other frantically cleaning his face as his chubby hands try to push the wipe away. All the while, he screams his head off every time the wipe gets near his face.

"What's going on here?"

I smile sheepishly at her. "Welcome home?"

Her face says 'really?' and she screams, "Brandon!"

Brandon takes one look at Mason and I and his jaw drops. I quickly explain, "I left to use the restroom for one second, I swear."

Brandon stutters to Stef, "I don't think I've ever seen that blue eyeshadow on you before."

She's not impressed.

* * *

Stef and Lena call a family meeting and we all sit in the living room. Mariana sits and texts rapidly on her phone before being reprimanded to put it away. Jude sits the furthest away from us and it only takes one glance to see that he is _high_. I know high people, I've been around high people, it doesn't take long to spot the inconsistencies in Jude's speech. Of course, we've all been called here for a reason so we all quiet down to hear what Stef and Lena have to say.

Alarms go off in my head when they try to reassure us that everything is alright. It's what adults say to children when everything is not okay. When everything is in a panic to them, but they can't have their children panicking so _everything's okay. _

"We're selling the house."

Everything else is muddy water after that. The fighting starts and Mariana bitterly says, "There goes the only home I know."

My heart squeezes in my chest because this was never even my home. It's just a place where I slept and ate and _this was always meant to be temporary. _The Fosters are downsizing and they will get rid of all the unnecessary things in their life. They will get rid of me.

Brandon leaves after he and Stef break into another argument about Courtney and Mason. _How can he leave? He has every he ever needs here, how can he walk away?_

Jesus stands up wobbly, "I don't- I don't feel so good."

That's when all hell breaks loose.

He collapses right in the middle of the living room. Stef shakes him but he doesn't respond.

Mariana exclaims, "He hit his head! He told me he hit his head earlier."

I can't stop them. The words come tumbling out. "The nail gun recoiled and hit him in the head. He said he was fine!"

Stef yells, "What was he even doing with a nail gun?!"

Lena steps in before I can respond, "It doesn't matter, we need to go to the hospital now."

* * *

The feel of numb, n_umb,numb,numb, _spreads across my body and I feel submerged underwater. Jesus was okay, he was okay. He laughed and joked with me before heading back to school to help Mariana.

He was _fine. _

"Explain.", Stef's voice leaves little room for argument.

My voice breaks, "I guess Gabe hasn't been showing up to fix the garage and Jesus was afraid you guys would find out so he's been covering for Gabe." I shutter, "When I came back to the house today, he was using the nail gun and he was too close. The nail gun recoiled and he was on the ground. There was just a little blood and he got up right away. He told me he was fine if I had known I would have told-."

I burst into tears, I can't help it. The stench of antiseptic fills my lungs and this is the place where people _die_. This is the place where my sister died.

The doctors find the nail embedded in his skull and they prep Jesus for surgery. I do something I haven't in a while. I go to the chapel, clasp my hands together, and kneel. Foster home six taught me how to pray in hard times and I don't know much about religion, but this seems like hard times. They would yell I wasn't trying hard enough or that I was messing up the prayers, but if God is real, he can't take another person from me.

_Don't you take him from me. You already have her, don't take him too. _

I kneel until my knees have gone raw and my legs are numb.

"Hey."

Lena takes a seat in the pew. "I didn't know you were religious."

"I'm not." I look at the cross on display. "My last foster home prayed a lot and I didn't know what to do."

My lip trembles, "I don't understand. He was okay."

"C'mere." I nuzzle into the side of her body and breathe in the family laundry detergent I have grown used to. "Sometimes I pray too when I'm really scared."

My eyes widen. "You do?"

"I feel like it helps in a way." She sighs and gently pats my knee, "Jesus just finished his surgery. Family can see him now."

The first thing Jesus croaks out is, "Jueves cheeseburger para hermana y private taco."

I don't know Spanish, but the way Mariana's face falls indicates the whole sentence was incoherent.

Stef rubs her hand across his cheeks. "What baby?"

His frown turns into a laugh, "Psych."

Groans irrupt in the room, "Jesus."

Mariana smacks his leg. "Dude!"

Brandon sighs, "Man, it would have been nice to live in a world without your awful jokes."

Giggles tumble out of my mouth and Jesus points to me. "At least someone gets my humor."

I copy Mariana and smack his leg. "Don't do that again, you know how terrible I felt?"

Callie asks, "Did you know they said the nail went all the way up to your nose and into your brain?"

Mariana shrugs, "It probably didn't take too hard with all that empty space."

We all laugh and Jesus pouts.

Stef asks, "Are you in pain?"

"No, it's not that bad."

Lena hums, "By the way, you're banned from using power tools for the rest of your natural life."

Everyone laughs as Jesus replies, "I think I can live with that."

* * *

**I feel like this was a filler chapter, sorry? It's just Maisie's (crazy) life living with the Fosters. **

**Guest**_**: Is Maisie going to be adopted by the Fosters?**_ ** I've had multiple people asked me this question and I'm just going to be frank with you. I didn't want to answer this question because I felt it ruined the whole plotline if everyone knew but it was always my intention that Maisie is going to be adopted by them. **

**Bunnyboo154: I really love Dodie and once you recommended _Ready Now, _I listened to it right away. I agree completely, I think this song reflects this story and everyone should listen to it. **

**Random Trivia:**

**In the original draft from 2015, Chloe bullied Maisie but there was no explanation to why. I decided to give her more depth and I hope everyone can see her jealousy and insecurities to why she started bullying Maisie. **


	6. Chapter 6

"What are you doing?"

Callie crosses her arms while staring at the backpack on my bed. "I mean it looks kind of obvious doesn't it?"

Callie laughs in disbelief, "I didn't think running was your style."

I grit my teeth. "I'm eleven, not stupid. No matter how many times I thought of it, I know I would never survive out there on my own. If I could, I would already be gone."

She sits on the edge of my bed. "Then, what are you doing?"

"You were a foster kid, I thought you would have figured it out by now or have you forgotten what it's like?"

Callie tries to reassure me, "What happened to Jesus isn't your fault, Moms aren't going to send you-."

I harshly reply, "You really can't see what's going to happen? Stef and Lena are out of money- they're selling the house and when money gets tight, we both know the foster kid is the first to go."

Callie growls, "Moms aren't like that and they're not broke. They're just helping out Gram and Grandpa, they would never send you away."

I shake my head. "You don't know that."

"Why are you guys fighting?"

I curse as Mariana's spots the bag and looks back between Callie and I. "Moms!"

I argue, "I wasn't trying to run away. Mariana just saw the bag and assumed."

Stef paces slightly. "Well, you're going to have to explain the bag to us because everything you pretty much owned before you got here is in that bag."

I repeat softly, "I wasn't going to run away."

Lena bends down. "We believe you, we just want to know why you were packing your things."

I look away and shrug. "I know how this goes. You're selling the house and that's when I leave, so when is my social worker coming to pick me up?"

Stef's jaw drops. "We aren't sending you away."

I bit my tongue to keep from shouting. "Now, you aren't sending me away right now. It's hard enough having five kids in a tiny apartment, do you think adding another will help?"

I continue my rant before they can answer, "It doesn't even matter what you think. The second Bill figures out what's been going on, he'll pull me from the house. You're technically are homeless at the moment."

Stef shakes her head. "We are not homeless and we would never let that happen. You belong with us and we would fight for you."

Lena takes a step forward. "Maisie-"

I take a step back. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

I remember a time when the sun was in the sky and the ground beneath my feet, but things change. The sun goes down and the ground is pulled from down under. I stopped believing the adults had all the answers. I stopped believing all the promises they made, empty promises. I've never had a place to call my own, but I can't handle another empty promise.

_Ding-dong._

Lena and Stef glance at each other in confusion. Lena questions, "Did you invite anyone over?"  
Stef rolls her eyes and goes to open the door. "One of the kids probably forgot to mention someone was coming over."

Two men stand at the door. One is lanky and his shortness is exacerbated by the tallness of the other man.

"Hello, my name is Detective Briggs and this is my partner Detective Cross. Are you the foster mother of Maisie Belland?"

I fight the urge to run and sink lower into the couch. "Yes, I'm Officer Stefanie Foster. Can I ask what this is all about?"

"We're running an investigation about a foster home we believe your foster daughter was previously in, would you mind if we ask her a couple of questions?"

Stef opens the door wider. "We can talk in the kitchen as long as my wife and I can be present."

Detective Cross answers, "That's not a problem."

My heart beats against my eardrums and despite the warning Sonya had given me, this whole interaction has taken me by surprise. _I always thought I'd have more time, I'm not ready. _

Detective Briggs takes the lead. "Have you ever been placed in a home with anyone by the name of Jesse Patterson?"

I shrug. "I've been placed with a lot of homes, it's hard to remember them all."

The detective begins to pull something out of his bag. "How about we show you a picture?"

_**The man holds out his hand for me to shake. "My names Jesse Patterson, you know like Uncle Jesse from Full House? You can call me that if you like?"**_

_**I don't care, I don't care about anything. All I want to do is lay side by side with my sister in the clouds. I answer back diplomatically, "I've never seen it."**_

_**His eyes widen as if it's the most horrible thing he's heard. "Never seen Full House? Well my Maisy Daisy, I guess I know what we're watching tonight."**_

_**The tension in my shoulders drops slightly. No one has ever given me a nickname before and no family has ever willingly spent time with me. I give Jesse a small smile, maybe things will be different here.**_

I push the picture away. "I remember him now."

Detective Cross pulls out a piece of paper. "Can you tell me what you remember about him?"

Lena scuffs, "What's the point of all this. If you want to know these questions, look into her file?"

Stef scolds her lightly, "Lena."

She argues back, "Maisie is eleven years old. I won't let her be unnecessarily questioned."

Briggs sighs, "We have been informed that Mr. Patterson previously had two foster daughters. One has been identified the other is unknown and we have come to believe the unknown girl is Maisie."

Stef looks startled. "Unknown? Why would a foster child be unknown? I thought social workers recorded every home a child is placed in."

"That is the case, but there is an ongoing investigation on Maisie's last social worker, Sonya Santos. We believe she may have to do something with the missing information."

_Sonya, oh Sonya. What have you done?_

Cross asks, "Can we continued on with our question?"

Stef and Lena give them a nod. "Can you tell us what you remember about him? How did he treat you?"

I hesitantly answer, "He was a co-" I correct myself, "A police officer."

Briggs presses, "Anything else?"

I whisper, "He painted the house blue because I told him it was my favorite color. "

"_**My favorite color is blue, blue like the ocean."**_

"_**Then, we will have an ocean house."**_

_**My eyes widen. "Really?"**_

"_**Yes, I would do anything for you my Maisy Daisy."**_

"That must have made you feel special, huh?"

_Yes, I felt like a princess. _My nails dig into my palm and I look away. _He told me I was his princess. _

"Can you think of anything else Maisie? Anything at all."

"He was-" I pause and take a deep breath. "He was going to adopt us."

The pencil stops moving and Briggs stares at me right in the eye. "What do you think happened?"

I shrug. "What always happens, my social worker showed up and I got sent to another home."

"But, why didn't he adopt you?"

Stef opens her mouth to step in, but I beat her to it. "They never tell me why I have to move, why would it be any different?"

A surprised expression crosses his face, he doesn't like my answer. "You used the word _us_ earlier, can you tell me who you were talking about?"

I gulp, "My foster sister."

He rummages through his papers. "Oh yes. Uhh-"

"Claire." They pause their search. "Her name was Claire."

Cross asks, "Can you tell me more about Claire?"

There are a million things I could say about Claire. Instead, I say, "She was 14 at the time. We didn't really talk much."

"You don't remember a single detail about her?"

"_**You have to be careful around Jesse."**_

"_**Why?"**_

"_**Maisie!" Her grip is so hard, so tight it causes tears to form in my eyes. "You can't trust him."**_

I shake my head. "No."

Briggs crosses his arms, "That's funny because Claire remembers a lot about you."

My throat closes and blood rushes to my ears. Stef steps beside me. "Excuse me, are you accusing my daughter of something?"

Briggs raises his hands. "Just merely standing a fact."

My tongue feels dislocated from my mouth. "I was nine when I met Claire, I'm sure she remembers a lot more than I do."

"Let's go back to your foster father, okay? Did you ever see him and Claire acting a little strange?"

"No!" I answer it too fast, too sudden. His eyes expand as though he has found what he was looking for.

"Claire said you'd shared a bed together, is that true?"

"_**Claire." I poke at her back once more. "Wake up!"**_

_**A streak of light shoots across the window and I jump as another crack of thunder shakes the house. The fear makes me crawl into Claire's bed and it's my cold feet that finally wake her up. **_

_**She eyes me before mumbling, "Don't steal the blanket or I'll knock you out of bed."**_

It's too quiet and all I can hear is my damn heartbeat. "Sometimes."

"Did your foster father ever came into your room at night?"

_**Like clockwork, He comes in at the same time every night. **_

I mumble, "...I don't remember."

"He never came to check in? Did he ever try to get into bed with you two?"

_**The bed dips in softly and Claire shakes violently next to me. **_

"...I don't know."

"Did he ever do anything that made you feel bad or maybe he did something to Claire?"

_**Claire's sobbing so loudly and- this isn't happening. **_

_**This can't be happening.**_

"Did he ever hurt you, Maisie?"

_**A scream erupts from my throat. It feels like molten lava all over my body and He is-**_

_**He's-**_

My knee jerks up and the water Lena so kindly offered to the detective spills across the kitchen table. My mind is racing a million miles per hour and my lungs are exploding. They are exploding and no one is noticing a thing.

Lena hisses, "That's enough, Maisie has told you everything she knows."

"We just need her-"

Stef steps in front of me and my lungs release. "You need to go."

Cross hands her a card. "We'll be contacting you soon."

* * *

Footsteps pause before knees and hands join them to the floor. Brown eyes like the soil of Frankie's tree, stained with the hot chocolate Stef made in the middle of the night look under a bed. Lena's brown eyes focus on mine and she does not speak. Her eyes spoke for her, a warmth I could remember knowing but it had been buried deep in the harsh cold. _It's okay, _they spoke, _it's going to be okay. _How I so desperately wanted that to be true.

Another pair of legs enter my eyesight. "Lena, what are you doing on the floor?"

More hands and knees joined the floor and another pair of eyes met mine. Blue, not like the ocean, but like fire in water. Stef's eyes burn with something I could not quite name, but they made me feel safe. I didn't need to worry when I was around her. Looking into her eyes make me feel silly for even hiding under my bed in the first place. It's cramped and hot under here, but I am small and no one else is small enough to reach me.

"We've been looking everywhere for you love after the detectives left you took off before we could speak to you. It scared us when we couldn't find you."

Regret fills the pit of my stomach. "I'm sorry."

Lena hums, "It's okay, you did nothing wrong."

Stef nods in agreement. "We're just glad you are safe." She pauses before asking, "Do you want to talk about what the detectives asked?"

If it's possible, I bury deeper into the bed until my back is pressed against the wall. _Please don't make me speak. Even if I wanted to, I can never tell you what he did._

Lena tries to calm me down, "Sh, sh, sh. It's okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. We're not going to force you to say anything, but we want you to know that we are always here if you want to. We won't get mad or upset about whatever you say. We are always here."

My throat becomes tight and tears fill my eyes. I rub my eyes and blame it on the dust bunnies. I slowly nod my head in acknowledgment and they start to get off the floor.

It leaves my mouth before I can stop it. "Please, don't go!"

Stef reaches under the bed and begins to rub circles in my hand. The panic leaves my chest and I relax. "We'll stay until you are ready to get out, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

I wanted this conversation to be over. I am sweaty and tired from cleaning out the house and helping with the garage sale outside. I want to take a shower and go to sleep. My backpack remained unpacked because I am certain that Bill was coming any day now to take me to a new home. That's the thing about unpacking, you always know that you'll have to repack it again. It's the uncertainty of _**when**_ that makes it feel horrible.

"Wait, I don't understand, we aren't moving?"

Lena answers, "Grandpa made a payment plan with the IRS, so we don't have to sell the house anymore."

Mariana rolls her eyes. "Well, it's kind of too late. You guys already sold the house."

A heavily pregnant woman and her husband had been constantly in and out of the house. They spoke of renovations and things such as nurseries. Mariana was right, they already sold the house. A fight broke between the twins and I hold my head in my hands, _I just want this day to be over with. _

"Mama and I are getting a divorce!"

Mariana speaks in a broken whisper, "You're getting a divorce?"

Stef huffs, "Now that we have your attention."

Lena clarifies, "We are not getting a divorce, we are filing for a divorce."

Jesus asks, "Why?"

"To freeze our assets. The buyer doesn't want to leave this house, so if get a divorce we get to keep our house."

Jesus smirks, "That's actually a devious plan, I'm impressed."

"How does that sound to you guys?"

_I don't have to go. _The thought profounds me so greatly that words refuse to form. _I get to stay. _

Callie answers, "Amazing."

Jude nods, "Awesome."

Mariana snarls, "Great, now we have to stay here."

She stomps away and Lena sighs, "What's going on with her?"

Jesus admits, "She read your journal."

Lena asks in confusion, "My journal?"

Jesus points to Stef. "No, yours and what you said about Mama."

"What did you say about me in your journal?"

Stef rubs her head. "Okay, can we deal with that in a second? We need to speak to Maisie, so can the rest of you leave the room?"

They do what she asks and it's just Lena, Stef and I.

She rips it off like a bandaid, "We think it would be good for you to go to therapy."

My mouth opens and closes, "But, I don't need therapy. I'm fine."

Lena says, "We think it will help-"

"I don't _**need**_ it!", I insist.

Stef admits, "I've talked to the detectives who were here last time…."

I don't hear the rest. I'm in disbelief at how reckless Stef has been, does she even realize what she's done? The second _He_ hears about this we're all dead. Everyone in this house _dead,dead,dead_.

Stef has the final say, "You're going to therapy."

I turn away from them. "Can I be excused?"

I suddenly wish Bill were here to pick me up.

* * *

The room is filled with toys, too many toys. More toys then I have ever seen in my life, I avoid them all to sit in a small table in the room. I draw random scribbles, not really caring where the drawing begins or ends. All that really matters is ignoring the single lady in the room.

She has a notepad in her hand, ever so often writing something down before glancing back at me. In the beginning, the lady asks many questions. She begins with 'how is school going?' or 'what's your favorite color?' When I don't answer she starts asking me questions about my life before the foster care system, Grandma Ruth, anything really to see my reactions.

I give her none.

When she realizes I would not speak, she stops speaking too. Now, she stares at my scribbles as they were the answer to the universe.

"Okay Maisie, I think that is enough for today. Why don't you sit out in the hallway while I speak to your foster mothers?"

I drop the crayon and sit outside with my ear leaning against the door.

"I see what you two are trying to do by bringing Maisie to therapy, but I think you've gone at the wrong approach at this-"

Stef burst out, "Tell me, what are we supposed to do?!"

"Stef!"

"No, Lena. If you had read some of the things Maisie's foster sister said about that man, you would have been horrified. Someone needs to help her through this, even if it's not us."

The lady speaks again, "I admire the love you have for Maisie, but this is going to push her away from you. Maisie is not ready to talk about this, in fact, she's angry you forced her here-"

"She's not angry."

"She did not speak to me the whole session and I'm willing to bet she's stopped sharing certain things with you."

It's quiet, so quiet I press my ear against the door to hear more.

Lena admits, "She used to tell us all about her school day. She's a little mathematician, always going on about what she's learning in math. I was so happy when she started telling me about her day, when she stopped I thought it was because she had no more to say."

"It's very clear she trust both of you greatly."

Crumpled paper is passed along, "She drew this?"

"It's-."

Stef breaths out, "The beach."

I blink in surprise, I didn't even realize I had drawn anything coherent.

"When you told me about the story she told Mariana, I thought Maisie had a big imagination. Children are funny little things, they are not straight forward as adults and I think I know what her story is about now."

"What?"

"Escapism. The beach is where she feels the most loved and safe and the fact that you are included in her story means she feels the safest and loved around you too."

Stef questions, "So, what do we do now?"

"Have enough trust in her that when she is ready to speak that she will come to you and when she is ready to speak bring her back."

I rapidly scoot away from the door and brush off imaginary dust off my pants. I glance up and I'm blown away. Honey blonde hair and blue eyes. My feet move before I can even comprehend what I am seeing, _Maman. _

The woman turns, her eyes are not blue but a very light grey. A feeling sinks in my stomach and I look away.

"Maisie?"

I turn to Stef and she kisses my forehead. "I'm sorry, we don't have to come back here if you don't want to. I shouldn't have forced you to come here."

I shrug softly. "It's okay."

Lena lightly bumps my shoulder. "Why don't we go eat some ice cream?"

My eyes light up, "Really? No frozen yogurt? Actual ice cream?"

She nods and whispers, "Don't tell the others."

Stef holds my right hand and Lena holds onto my left hand, I feel lighter and happier than I have in a while.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I am not a therapist and this is just a story, so please don't take the therapist advice so seriously. I just wrote it in to go along my story. I would like to thank everyone for the positive comments and to welcome all the new people who have favorite/followed this story.**

**Does anyone watch soccer/football? The women's world cup final was 2 weeks ago and my love of soccer kind of distracted me from updating this story, sorry. **

**Random Trivia:**

**In the original story, Maisie actually tried to run away. Also in the original story during her therapy session, Maisie actually saw her mom! I changed this due to the fact I thought it created a lot of drama and made the story very chaotic. I think that was the reason why I stopped writing the original because so much was going on that I didn't know where to start. So, Maisie doesn't run away and her mom is still MIA. **


	7. Chapter 7

Jude is hunched back behind the school. Lighter in one hand, a joint in the other. I pluck it out of his hand before he has the chance to light it.

I hiss, "Are you insane? Lena and Stef just caught you and Noah not even two days ago and you're trying to get high again?"

Jude tries to pry it from my grasp. "Stay out of things you don't understand Maisie."

"I understand you're crazy enough to get high at school! Do you understand the consequences of your actions? You can get Lena fired!"

He rolls his eyes. "Stop over exaggerating Maisie." He puts out his hand demanding. "Now, give it back."

I cross my arms. "No, you should thank me for not giving this to Lena."

I hover the joint over the trash as Jude calls out, "Stop being a baby Maisie!"

I snap back, "Stop being an ass!"

Jude retorts, "You know what? Mariana was right, we don't have any room to be adding any more people in our family, especially you."

It knocks harder in my chest than anything anyone has ever said. Tears fill my eyes and my face turns red because _this should not bother me so much! _This is just another temporary home, this is not where I belong.

I stare at the joint in my hand. _What am I doing? _This shouldn't matter to me, I didn't care when I caught Jesus with the vodka bottle. _Why do I care so much now? _

Jude's face falls but I am too angry to notice. I shove the joint into his chest. "Have a fun time getting high."

* * *

I pull a red _#Justice4Jack _shirt over my head as Jude asks Callie, "You're raising money for Kyle too?"

Callie shrugs. "Yea, I don't see how it could hurt."

I ask in clarification, "So, we're just going around asking for signatures for Jack's Law?"

Callie nods. "Yup, I want to get as many signatures as we can."

Stef claps her hands. "Okay, everyone stay in a safe distance and Jude and Maisie stay in pairs."

Jude's jaw drops. "Why? No one else needs a partner."

Lena answers, "No one else is still in junior high. Please, just stick together. You two are the youngest and we don't want anything bad happening to you."

Jude glares at me and I glare back. "Fine."

Jude grabs a clipboard and I silently follow behind him. I get very few signatures, turns out no one cares about the foster care system. _How surprising. _But most of all it's disappointing to realize no one _really_ cares about foster kids. _No one cares about __**you**__. _

"Can you get out of my area, you're suffocating me."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever stoner."

Jude's knuckles turn white under his clipboard. "What's your problem?"

"My problem is your selfish and you can't even see how this can affect the whole family. I thought you would, seeing your biological father was an alcoholic."

His face becomes red but before he can answer, a body comes barreling into his side.

"Hey." Noah loops his arm around Jude's shoulder. "Is everything okay?"

Jude says, "You don't know anything about this family." He turns to Noah. "Let's get out of here."

I object, "Lena and Stef said we are supposed to stick together and Brandon is supposed to play with his band soon."

Jude shrugs. "Go tell on me then."

I grind my teeth, "I'm not a snitch."

"Then, I don't see a problem."

I curl my fist as he walks away never once turning back. I start to walk back to where I saw the band set up but I was so upset with Jude, I didn't pay attention to where we were walking.

I curse myself under my breath, "Damn it."

I go to a random booth and ask, "Hey, do you know where the band is playing?"

Before the lady can answer another voice does, "I know where that is, I can take you."

A shiny badge, a blue attire, and a gun strapped to the hip have me gasping to breathe. The lady smiles, "Thank you, Officer. Go with the nice man sweetie, he can help you."

I move robotically one foot after the other as he says, "My Maisy Daisy. Oh, how I've been looking for you."

"What are you doing here? You can't be here."

Jesse pouts, "Where is my hug? I deserve a hug, don't I?"

My voice comes out shakier than intended, "My foster mom is a cop."

He taps at his badge. "So, am I."

Jesse comes closer to my ear, "Didn't I tell you it was rude to say cop."

He grips harshly onto my wrist and I whimper, "I'm sorry."

"You gotta remember your manners, if not you're gonna turn out just like Claire Bear. Do you want to be like her?"

I shake my head wildly. "No!"

He spits, "Spreading those nasty rumors about me, I loved the two of you like you were my own daughters and now she's stabbing me in the back!"

I sob, "I didn't tell them anything! I swear!"

"They came looking for you?"

It comes out fast. Too fast to not be a lie "No!"

A glint forms in his eyes. "What did I tell you about lying?"

Sharp, cold metal digs into my back and my knees buckle. No one notices a thing, no one questions anything as they look this way. He's a co- _**police officer. **_It's his duty to protect and enforce the law. I'm just a rotten foster kid, no one would believe me even if I told the truth.

"I tried to teach you right, but you never listened." Jesse hisses, "You two sluts were asking for it."

He's angrier than I have ever seen him. _Is this how I die? I've imagined death so much it feels more like a memory. _How did Jack feel when he died? Was he afraid as angry hands strangled him to death, did he accept it? _I don't want to die. _

I fall into old tactics. "Please Daddy, I'm sorry."

The wild glint leaves his eye and the gun back into his holster. He rubs his hand against my cheek and kisses my forehead. It feels like poison entering my bloodstream ready to kill me.

Jesse whispers softly, "It's not your fault. My Maisy Daisy could do no wrong."

He hands me a bag. "Look what I got you."

I open it slowly to find a teddy bear in a trench coat and a black hat. I mumble out, "Thank you."

Jesse questions, "You recognize it, don't you?"

I answer, "It's Mr. Bear from Full House."

He nods excitedly. "I'm gonna get you back I promise."

My blood freezes. He whispers, "We're going to be a family." He kisses my cheek. "I'll see you soon."

When his figure leaves his gaze, I fall to the floor. I ignore the bruises that will surely form and try to catch my breath. My lungs shutter in my chest and I can hear my heart beating against my eardrums. I bring my knees up to my chest and sob. I sob so hard my chest trembles with each breath and the ache in my heart grows. _I just want it to stop. _

I don't know how long I sit there, but the tears have dried up and I feel numb.

"Maisie!" Brandon comes running toward me. "Where's Jude?!"

I numbly answer. "I- I don't know."

"You were supposed to stay together!"

I turn away and look at the ground. A hand reaches for me and I flinch. "I'm sorry! Just get in the car so we can find Jude."

I follow Brandon to the car to find Courtney driving. "What's going on?"

Brandon hesitates before answering, "Jesus is the hospital, we have to go now. Do you have any idea where Jude is?"

I shake my head. "No, he just took off with Noah."

We find Jude and Noah by the boat docks running away from an angry man. They demand we drive away and we have no choice when the man begins to threaten to call the cops. Jude and Noah laugh all the way to the hospital and I force myself not to strangle the two of them.

Stef and Lena quietly fill us in on what's going on. Nick hit Jesus in the head and it caused fluid to build up in his brain. Jesus is currently now in surgery and the doctors were trying to put a bolt in his head to monitor the fluid amount in his brain. After that, I go to Callie and ask about the details they left out. Mariana has been taking Jesus's ADHD pills and she thought she saw Nick at Bayfest. Jesus thought Nick was attacking Mariana and they got in a fight. Nick punched him in the temple and Jesus went down.

Everything is a mess.

A big terrible mess.

I wish I could start this day over, rewind what I did wrong. Maybe, I could even save Jesus from getting punched in the head, but I was not there and everything is a huge terrible mess. Just like last time, my feet take me away from the smell of antiseptic and death and I find myself at the chapel. I find Lena and Stef in a loving embrace and I freeze my movements.

Lena turns to me with bloodshot eyes. "It's okay, you can come in."

I whisper, "I wanted to light a candle for Jesus."

She gives me a sad smile. "I think that's a good idea."

I light one of the white candles and Lena motions me over. "C'mere."

Lena pulls me into a tight embrace and sighs into my head. Stef comments, "I didn't know you were religious Maisie."

I stare at the candle, "I'm not, but if there is someone in control of our lives, maybe they can help Jesus."

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if my family were religious. _If I had prayed for Alyssa, would she still be alive? _

The thought squeezes my heart so tightly because if that had been the answer, I would have prayed all day for her. If it were that easy, all of this must be a joke.

Stef gives my shoulder a squeeze. "Let's go check on Jesus."

Jesus makes it through the surgery and all that is left is a waiting game. I always hated the waiting, waiting was the worst part of everything. We're all told to go home and Stef's parting words are, "Please, please, for the love of god no more trouble. It's the last thing your Mama and I can handle right now. I wanna hear you guys say it, no more trouble."

We repeat it back, "No more trouble."

* * *

Mariana, Jude and I pack into Brandon's car and head home. Brandon spreads out the task: Mariana wash the dishes, Jude take out the garbage, and Maisie sweep the floor.

I grab the mop just as Jude asks, "What were you doing hanging out with Nick?"

It's a question I've been wondering all night, _how did Nick even know we were at Bayfest? How did Jesse know?_

Mariana snaps, "I wasn't hanging out with him. He was stalking me at the festival and it doesn't even matter, he's in jail now."

Brandon comments, "I hope they never let him out."

Jude questions, "What if he escapes and comes to our house?"

"He can't."

"What if he's already here? Maybe he's hiding in the garage or the attic?"

A panic seized me until Brandon glares at Jude. "That's not funny- cut it out, Jude. Now, take out the garbage."

Jude says, "In the dark? Seriously, what if he's out there?"

_He could have followed me here, Jesse could be outside right now. _

I shakily peek out the kitchen window as Brandon asks Jude, "Are you still stoned?"

Mariana groans, "Again? What are you a pothead?"

Jude grabs a bag of chips. "No, at least I'm not a poppin' pills."

Mariana tries to justify herself, "I was taking those to study, not party. Jeez, you're only 14 Jude. What are you trying to teach Maisie?"

Jude rolls his eyes. "It doesn't matter, she's not even our real sister."

Mariana and Brandon pause from their chores as they register what Jude said. I ignore them and continue to mop the floor.

Brandon wacks him on the back of the head, "Not cool, dude. What if I told you that you aren't my real brother?"

Jude kicks the garbage bag. "Whatever. I'll do this in the morning."

Mariana huffs, "Rude. Let's just finish this in the morning okay?"

I watch as they go up the stairs and Brandon sighs, "Go to sleep Maisie, they're right. We'll finish this tomorrow."

I push the mop. "I'm almost done, I'll go to sleep after I'm finished."

He nods and heads up to the bedroom he hasn't slept in since he moved in with Courtney. I take one more lap around the kitchen and look at the floor, _it's not clean_. This mop sucks at doing its job. I move it out of the way before it can offend me any further and fill the bucket with soapy water before grabbing a sponge. This method of cleaning takes longer but the floors would look beautiful and when Lena and Stef come home with Jesus, all will be well. I scrub the floor with the sponge and dunk it back in the water before scrubbing once again. It soon becomes a pattern.

Dunk, dunk.

Scrub, scrub.

Dunk, dunk.

Scrub, Scrub.

I finish the kitchen before sunrise, but I take one look at it and I can feel the dirt accumulating on the floor. It's not clean enough, I have to do it again.

Dunk, dunk.

Scrub, scrub.

And again.

Dunk, dunk.

Scrub, scrub.

And again.

Dunk, dunk.

Scrub, scrub.

It's not clean, it's so dirty and I can't get it clean.

_Why can't I get it clean?!_

Dunk, dunk.

Scrub, scrub.

Dunk, dunk

"Maisie?"

Srub, scrub.

"Maisie?!"

I pause at my work and look up to Brandon, "Maisie, did you sleep?"

I turn to look out the kitchen window, the sun is out and _the floor is still not clean_

Dunk, dunk

Scrub, scrub

"Maisie, you should stop and go to bed."

I shake my head. _Doesn't he see how dirty the floor is?_

Dunk, dunk.

Scrub, scrub.

Brandon lunges for the sponge, "Maisie, stop!"

"It's not clean! It's not clean enough! I need to clean it!"

Scrub, scrub.

_Dirty. _

Scrub, Scrub.

_Dirty._

Scrub, Scrub.

I feel so dirty.

"_**You sluts were asking for it!"**_

I feel so dirty.

Scrub, scrub, scrub, scru-

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Scream like a wounded animal, scream until your lungs pop, scream. SCREAM.

Scream till someone hears you.

"Maisie, it's okay! It's just Mike!"

Angry hands, angry hands like knives digging into my skin and all ever wanted was to be loved. I didn't realize his kind hands were just a deception, I didn't realize loving someone could hurt so much.

Angry hands grip so tightly to my shoulder and I can't hear a thing.

It is the feeling of being underwater and that bone-crushing pressure of water sinking into your body, your lungs, your heart. Only one thing is on my mind: I have to getaway. I have to get away or it will crush me.

My feet pound in time with my heartbeat as I frantically opened the back door open. A wave of fresh air hits me and I can feel the mildew beneath my toes. I can feel the cool air against my skin and hear the birds chirping.

I fall to my knees and began to cry on all fours because I could _feel _something besides being trapped underwater. I see Mike standing in the background as Brandon walks towards me.

"Maisie-"

I shake my head as sobs violently ripped through my body, "He hurt-"

_**He hurt me. **_

"He hurt-"

_**He hurt me!**_

Brandon shushes me softly, "I know Nick hurt Jesus, but everything is going to be okay. Moms just called me and all we have to do is wait for Jesus to get up."

_He doesn't get what I'm trying to say. _

I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand and he pulls me into a side hug, "Everything is going to be okay."

* * *

**Ehh, is how I feel about this chapter. I thought about rewriting this chapter but then I would have to rewrite future chapters so I decided to keep it this way. **

**Random Trivia:**

**One of the shows I grew up watching was Full House, which is why it is mentioned so often in this story. I have not watched Fuller House and don't think I ever will.**


	8. Chapter 8

Mike makes us breakfast before explaining to us that Callie has somehow ended up in Juvie. _So much for causing no trouble._ We head to the hospital and wait for Jesus to wake up.

I jolt in surprise as Jude takes a seat next to me, "I'm sorry for how I've been acting-"

I shake my head. "It's fine, you didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"No." I turn to him in surprise. "I've been a jerk and I said terrible things to you. You're just as much a part of this family as we are."

I whisper, "I'm sorry about Callie."

He grabs my hand and retorts, "She's your sister too."

I sigh, "I just want everyone to be okay."

"Me, too."

Jesus wakes up, but we aren't allowed to see him. Despite that, it makes everything a little better to know that he is okay and awake.

Stef takes us home to get more rest and I am awakened by a pounding noise. I stare at Mariana for a second before we go investigate the noise. Stef pounds a hammer into Brandon's door while we stare in confusion.

Mariana is the only one brave enough to ask, "Mom, What are you doing?"

Jude follows her lead, "Yea, what's going on?"

"What's going on?" Stef mimics, "That's exactly what I'd like to know. What the hell is going on around here?!"

My eyes widen at the curse word. Stef points to Jude. "You're getting high." Then to Mariana, "You're stealing Jesus's pill."

She finally points to Brandon. "-and he cheated on the S.A.T. so he is now unaccepted at Juilliard."

Mariana whispers in disbelief, "Oh, my god."

Stef growls, "There are far too many secrets in this house, so the doors are coming off."

Stef suddenly turns to me. "Do you have anything to say to me, Maisie?"

I shuffle uncomfortably at her gaze and my nails dig into my palm. Her gaze softens and she rubs my hand, "Please, don't do that."

My fist uncurls in surprise and she continues, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that Maisie."

She rubs her hands in her face before handing the hammer to Brandon. "Here, all the bedroom doors come off."

He stutters, "Even yours?"

"No! Not mine."

"Where do I put them?"

"In the garage! I don't care, just take them away."

* * *

"Hey."

I pause from eating my sandwich and lookup. Ada shuffles awkwardly, "Can I sit?"

I nod my head and continue eating in silence. It doesn't last long. "I'm sorry about Jesus. He's your foster brother, right?"

I raise my eyebrow at her and placidly say, "It's been weeks since you last spoke to me, what do you want?"

Ada's eyes widen. "I don't want anything!" She becomes quiet before saying, "I'm sorry, I should have said something when Chloe started everything."

I don't know what to say, no one has ever apologized to me before.

"I just wanted to fit in, you know? I don't care if you can't read."

I cross my arms. "Why are you apologizing now?"

Her cheeks blossom red as she admits, "Chloe found out I have a math tutor. I struggle with math a lot and when Chloe found out, she told the class and-"

I finish, "and everyone is calling you by 'Hey spaz' or 'Hey stupid'."

Ada blurts out, "I want to make a deal with you."

I lean back. "What kind of deal?"

"I can teach you to read if you teach me how to make above a 95 in math."

There is no hesitation as I shake her hand in agreement, "Deal."

Ada goes from a steady 80 in math to a 90. It's not where she wants to be, but she's getting there. Ada brings books from her younger sister's collection and teaches me how to pronounce certain words. My grammar skills grow and I go from a 40 to a steady 55. It didn't matter to me, all that mattered was that I'm finally passed _Dick and Jane _books. Before I leave Anchor Beach, I hope to be at a steady 65.

My teacher notices my small but great improvement. She asks if Lena is tutoring me, I nod and ignore the pit of guilt in my stomach.

* * *

"I can go by myself, Jesus needs you at the hospital."

Lena shakes her head, "We promised we would go with you weeks ago and we don't want you going alone. Besides, Mike and Ana are with Jesus today so he is not alone."

We take the drive to Oaks nursing home and enter the decorated building. Streamers and balloons are displayed for Family day. Family day is a special day thrown by the staff to encourage families to come to visit their loved ones for the day. Games and movies are shown and overall, it's a day to spend with your loved one.

Stef and Lena sign in at the front desk and the front desk worker smiles sadly at me, "Ruth has been asking for you all day. It's been a rough morning."

Stef mimics, "Rough morning?"

My heart drops and I dart passed people to room 307. I pull the door open to find Grandma Ruth pushing away a nurse. "Get out of my way! I need to pick up Maisie! I promised her I would never be late."

"Grandma Ruth!"

Her body sags in relief but her voice is laced with confusion, "Oh, there you are Maisie. How did you get here? Where is Alyssa?"

I apologize to the Nurse, "I'm sorry Nina, when does she think it is?"

Nina answers, "It's my job, honey. No need for apologizing, Ruth is a sweetheart. She believes it's around 2-3 years ago. She's been asking for you and Alyssa."

Grandma Ruth becomes panicked, "Alyssa! Maisie, where is Alyssa?!"

Nina winces and I shake my head. "It's okay, I got this."

Grandma Ruth's panicked eyes met mine. "We have to find Alyssa."

My lip trembles. "I know where she's at. She's okay."

Her eyes widen, just as Alyssa's had when I managed to make her a paper doll as a birthday present. She asks, "She is?"

I nod slowly. "Yea, things are better for her."

A soft knock echoed in the room and Lena and Stef walk in. Grandma Ruth becomes slightly agitated and I quickly smooth it. "It's okay Grandma, these are just," I pause and look at them. "friends that I want you to meet."

Grandma Ruth smiles at this. "Any friends of Maisie are friends of mine. My name is Ruth."

Lena answers, "I'm Lena and this is my wife Stef."

She stares at the pair for a while before nodding her head. "You've found some good friends Maisie, they have kind souls." She pats my hand. "They will do."

_They will do?_

I frown slightly. "What do you mean?"

Grandma Ruth's eyes begin to droop, her episode has left her tired. The question goes unanswered and I say softly, "I think it's time for bed Grandma."

She nods her head in agreement. "You got the book?"

I pull _The Chronicles of Narnia _out and hand it to her. Grandma Ruth's eyebrows furrow as she flips through the slightly stained pages. "What happened?"

I admit softly, "I spilled some hot chocolate on it."

She hums, "That's okay." Her hand gently smoothes out the pages. "Life is messy sometimes, we learn to work with the mess."

My throat tightens unexpectedly and Grandma Ruth flips through the pages until she lands on page 47. "Here we are, _And now, of course, you want to know what had happened to Edmund…."_

Her words become slower throughout the chapter, and I wait patiently until her head lulls gently to the side of the chair. Grandma Ruth falls asleep right as Mr. Beaver and Mrs. Beaver find a hiding spot for the children so that the Witch wouldn't find them. I wish we can continue forward, but we never go forward, always back.

Lena and Stef who have been silent this whole ordeal ask, "Are you okay?"

I nod even though my lip shakes and my chin trembles. I'm used to Grandma Ruth forgetting, but I could never tell her about Alyssa. Alyssa dying once was enough, Grandma Ruth didn't need to be reminded every time she forgot.

I take _Narnia _from Grandma's Ruth's hand and slide it back into my bag. "She's been like this for a long time, I think it's better that she forgets some things."

Lena's hand gently rubs my shoulder and the lump gets bigger in my throat. "Why do you say that?"

My chest aches and my left hand grips onto the center of my shirt tightly. It's expanding, too sudden too fast.

_Pop_

_Pop_

_Pop _

Like popcorn in the microwave, everything hurts.

I whimper, "Don't you want to forget?"

Lena whispers, "Forget what?"

I can't, I shake my head while tightening the hold on my shirt.

Another hand is placed at the center of my back. Eyes like water in fire meet mine and everything tumbles. The words come tumbling out wave after wave. "I don't understand. The doctors said she was okay, it wasn't supposed to be this way."

Alyssa. My baby sister Alyssa, whose laugh could make any bad day good. Who believed in fairies, godmothers, and wishing upon the night stars.

"_**It's a shooting star, make a wish Maisie!"**_

Alyssa who liked Greek more than French, who spoke in hushed whispers with our father and how my cheeks would become an angry red-

"_**I wish you would go away! You're so annoying."**_

How tiny she looked in the hospital bed, how she cried out for _Maman _and _Papa _who would never answer her call. How I'd wished I had spent less time arguing and being jealous and more time being with her.

Alyssa, my baby sister who died when she was seven years old.

Lena and Stef don't interrupt the rambling as I spew out everything at once. I tell them about Alyssa who had a severe case of cystic fibrosis. I tell them about Grandma Ruth who only fostered sick kids. I tell them about how Alyssa wished to go to the beach before she died and how we spent the whole day on that beach. I tell them until they finally understand and the ache in my chest is lifted.

When the tears have finally stopped, I can't help but ask, "Did you know about Alyssa?"

Stef places a kiss on my forehead. "Yes, love. It was in your file that Bill gave us."

I clench my fist and dig my nails into my palm. "But, you never talked…..you never asked about her."

Lena rubs her finger on my fist and smiles softly when it unclenches. Lena says, "We wanted you to come to us, we didn't want you to be pressured to talk about something you weren't ready for. You can always come to us, you know that right?"

I place all my weight on Stef's side and sigh softly, "Yes."

* * *

**Happy New Year! Do you know what's funny? I started this story in early 2015 when I was just 15 years old and now, it is 2020 and I'm 20 going on 21. Life really does go by fast. Sorry for the lack of updates. Since fall semester started, I've had no time to breathe and now, that I am on break I have been able to write again. I have one additional chapter written but for now, I cannot promise a consistent update schedule. **

**Random Trivia: **

**In the story _The Invisible Child, _which is sounding more and more like a bad superhero title, I originally planned for Maisie's sister to be alive. Currently, I found the whole storyline to be way to complex so it was simpler for Alyssa to be gone this way. **


	9. Chapter 9

After a week of being monitored by the doctors, Jesus finally comes home. While there isn't anything physically wrong with him, he has to relearn some things. Jesus has a traumatic brain injury, when he woke up he couldn't move the way he used to. The doctor said it had to do with how the brain is wired, but once Jesus gets into physical therapy it will all become muscle memory.

I help by secretly kicking (gently) a soccer ball to his feet. We pretend we're in the World Cup and that underneath the table is the goal. It goes well until Stef catches us and tries to shoo us outside. Jesus is already standing by himself so a speedy recovery is expected.

Callie is finally back home out of prison and she has decided to change her senior project once again to something else. Everything is going smooth (as it could be) in the Foster's house and I almost forget the terrible in my life.

The nightmares slowly disappear, the first night I actually manage to stay asleep is glorious. I forget what the nightmares feel like, they feel more like a distant memory. Something that once was but now isn't. The dreams become something unexpected.

I dreamt I saw my mother again. Same beautiful blue eyes that Alyssa's had reflected. Despite the years separated from my mother, I could always remember the color of her eyes. The blue in the sky on a clear day. Like her fleeing memory, the dreamlike version vanishes without a trace and it scares me how much I wish I could hold onto it.

When she left, it was just another normal morning. No hints of what happened in the middle of the night, no gaping hole indicating she was gone. How I wished there had been a warning, some sign to soften the blow as the world seemed to crumble under my feet. She left without a goodbye and with nothing to remember her by. I often wondered if she was even there to begin with.

I still wonder if she was all just in my imagination.

"Maisie!" The fog clears from my head and Mrs. Thames appears less than impressed. "Can you repeat the instructions I just gave to the class?"

Mrs. Thames stares, clearly expecting an answer. If my burning cheeks give off any indication, she knows I can not answer her question. She sighs, "Everyone please pay attention or I will be docking off point on your participation grades. Now as I was saying, the main character of _A Wrinkle in Time _goes off to rescue her brother as we read and she was able to defeat IT by?"

Chloe has haughty look on her face as she answers. "By the power of love, Meg is able to defeat IT."

Mrs. Thames nods her head in approval. "Yes, Chloe but please raise your hand next time."

She passes out a blank sheet of paper to the class. "It is through Meg's love for her brother Charles, that she is able to overcome IT who feels nothing but hate. Today is an easy day, I want you to write about the people you love: your family or your friends. Love is the most powerful weapon of all that can overcome anything."

She claps her hands and smiles excitedly, "Now, let's get to work."

The people around me start writing instantaneously. I imagine Chloe is writing about the dozens of boys she's claimed to kiss. I stare back at the white sheet of paper and tap the end of my pencil on my desk.

I remember how tightly he held us, the _S'agapo _whispered into the night like a promise. I can remember the way Papa loved us, he always said it. It was as if he knew how fragile we felt after she left.

If there was any, I don't remember the _Je t'aime. _I cannot recall the way Maman told us of her love. Just like her, I cannot recall the house we lived in at Palo Alto. All I remember is the pecan tree that stood outside my window. How we would collect the pecans from the ground and eat them for dinner. Nothing else.

One day Papa packed all our things in the car and we left the pecan tree behind for good. _A Great Adventure, _he called it. Our car was a rocket ship and we traveled planet to planet searching for a place to call ours. The scariest part was at night when aliens would try to invade our space ship. Papa would grab his baseball bat and shoo them all away, he really was a real-life superhero.

One day, the aliens invaded our rocket in daylight. A dark shadow came into the rocket while Papa was away and I was terrified. I tried to be so brave like Papa and I grabbed the baseball bat-

_WHAM!_

The alien left but he took Alyssa's special bag with him. When Papa came back, he cursed so loudly and cried for so long. I didn't know what to do, I don't think Papa knew either. He just drove us around until we arrived at our favorite park, the one by a fire station. (If we stayed long enough, we could usually see a fire truck go by.) Then, he told us to go play. I didn't want him to be sad anymore, so I tugged his hand and forced him to play hide and seek with us. It was so much fun I forgot all about the alien and how sad Papa had been.

During our last game, I couldn't find Papa. No matter how far and low Alyssa and I searched, he was nowhere to be found. Our rocket had vanished and so did Papa. It was aliens, it had to be them but no matter who I told no one believed me.

_**S'agapo.**_

The only word I managed to write on the blank piece of paper.

There is only one other person who ever told me, I love you.

_Jesse_.

I remember the first time he told it to me. Hidden between a blue house, "_**You got it dude!",**_ and mountains of ice cream. It filled my stomach with such happiness, a happiness I thought was impossible without Alyssa. He would play along to tea parties and be Ken whenever I wanted to play Barbies. He attended school plays and always gave me flowers afterward. Days were filled with so much joy but nights were a bottomless pit of fear.

"_**I'm going to adopt you. You're going to forever be my Maisy Daisy."**_

I would have accepted the happiness and fear altogether. It seemed love could not exist without the fear that accompanied it. (Truthfully, I was more afraid that I could never be that happy with anyone else).

_**Glassy eyes stared back at me, a vacant look in her expression. White little pills spilled all over the bathroom floor. All the nights with Jesse seemed like nothing, true terror crawled out of my throat and onto the floor. **_

"_**CLAIRE!"**_

A slight pressure on my shoulder made me turn around and Ada tilted her head at me. "Come on, the bell rang. We need to get to our next class."

We are the last students out, I place my paper on top of Mrs. Thames desk and let out a sigh of relief. English is finally over and I could finally get on my way.

"Maisie, could you please come back here."

The tension reappears and I force myself to walk back into the classroom. Surprisingly enough, Ada stays by my side.

Mrs. Thames frowns. "Get to class Ada. I would like to speak to Maisie alone."

Ada gives my hand a small squeeze. "I'll see you later."

As soon as Ada leaves, Mrs. Thames picks up my assignment from her desk and says, "Follow me."

I quickly do as she says until I realize where we are going. I drag my feet but in a manner of time, we arrive at the principal's office.

Lena looks up from her computer and her smile falters slightly. "Elizabeth, what can I do for you?"

Mrs. Thames gets right to the point. "I know you've been tutoring Maisie for the past few months, but she will not pass my class unless she does the work. She didn't even attempt to do the work today in class-"

Lena holds her hands up. "I'm sorry but did you say tutoring? I wasn't aware that Maisie was struggling in English."

Mrs. Thames's pale face turns a bright face and purses her lips together. "Maisie has been doing less than well up until two months. She has improved dramatically, I assumed you were the reason."

Both adults turn to me expecting the unspoken question to be answered. I stare at my feet and hesitantly confess, "Ada has been helping me outside of class."

Mrs. Thames continues, "As I was saying, Maisie failed to complete her assignment today and I recommend she stay after school in detention to complete it. Maisie is a good student, but this is unacceptable."

I could feel Lena's eyes burning the back of my head, but I refuse to look back at her. Lena sighs, "Can I see the assignment?"

Mrs. Thames hands her my paper while saying, "I appreciate the improvements she made in my class, but she didn't attempt to begin the assignment. All she wrote was a word that's not even real."

I whisper it softly, "_S'agapo."_

Even though I've said it a thousand times in my head, it feels foreign on the back of my tongue. It used to be second nature to me, now it feels just as clunky and awkward as English.

Mrs. Thames's voice increases in pitch. "Excuse me."

My voice comes out more confident this time. "_S'agapo , _it means I love you in Greek."

Mrs. Thames blinks before stuttering, "That's nice Maisie, but I need more than that." She quickly adds, "Preferably in English."

Lena interjects, "Maisie will complete the assignment after school today. Thank you for telling me your concerns, now I would like to speak with Maisie alone."

Mrs. Thames makes herself scarce and I stand alone with Lena in her office. She rubs her temples lightly. "Please take a seat, Maisie."

I do as Lena says to avoid more trouble than necessary. The pressure my nails place on my palm increase as the seconds go by and Lena doesn't say a word. She asks, "Why didn't you tell us that you were struggling in English? I'm a teacher Maisie, I could have helped you."

Lena's voice sounds hurt more than angry and it makes the guilt in my belly feel ten times worse. I shrug and stare at the painting on her wall.

"Use your words please."

No excuses come to mind, I used to be so much better at this. Or maybe I never really was, maybe I had grown so used to being ignored excuses weren't needed in the first place. I mumble, "I don't know."

_Shame._

_Embarrassment._

_Humiliation._

I know why I didn't tell them about my English troubles, it doesn't make it any easier to admit.

Lena presses her lips together. It causes wrinkles to furrow above her eyebrows and this whole situation is wrong. I want to smooth her troubles away but I'm the reason for them. "_**You ruin everythi-"**_

"Why didn't you complete your assignment today? You're better than this Maisie."

She's wrong and I can't help but wonder what gave her the impression otherwise. I am not good and it hurts to realize she believes I can be. I breathe in as the knot tightens in my throat. "I didn't know what to write about."

"That's not an excuse." She picks up my blank paper. "What was your assignment about?"

_Papa, Maman, and Jesse. _

My cheeks bloom red, I didn't dare associate the Fosters with love. No one has ever said it to me, except that one time with Mariana in the bathroom, the word love did not appear.

"_**They love you too, you know?"**_

I didn't want to presume anything so I didn't think about them at all. Now, all I just feel terrible because they have been nothing but nice.

I've never presumed anyone had loved me, not after the Johnsons. The Johnsons, the second foster home I was ever placed in. Even though they locked their refrigerator and cabinets and forbade us from eating more than what they gave us, they did not mind our thick accents and did not laugh when we mispronounced words. I whispered it while they tucked me into bed, more out of habit than actually meaning it.

_I love you. _

Sonya arrived the next day and Alyssa and I moved onto our next home. It's a terrible feeling when you realize someone doesn't love you back.

I whisper out, "We were supposed to write about the people we love." I wait for Lena's reaction, but she doesn't give anything away. I admit, "I didn't know who to write about."

Lena pushes away from her desk and motions me over. "Come over here."

I take slow steps until I'm around her desk and she pats on her lap. My face heats up at her indication. We've cuddled before but that was at home, not at school.

Lena reassures me, "No one is going to come in during class and if they do, they will knock first."

My hesitancy leaves and I slowly allow myself this moment of weakness by curling into her lap. Her heartbeat is right against my ear and everything about this feels _safe_.

The first sob shakes my chest and the second has me gasping for air. Lena rubs small circles into my back while humming until her breath. Jack pops into my mind again and I know I should not crave this affection, but I melt into her embrace.

I remember thinking there was a dragon in my chest, an unspeakable anger that was much easier to bear than the deep sadness. When I was just on the cusp of eight and couldn't understand why people walked in and out of my life, couldn't understand why the people who were supposed to love me never stayed. Back when I was just a scrappy, dirty french girl with a wild mouth and unyielding ferocity to protect my younger sister. When the anger was so much easier to hold onto then people, so I yielded it like a weapon. It was the reason why I held so many infractions in my file: _**a knack for cursing, punching, and biting.**_

(Because people leave and if I hurt them first, they cannot hurt me.)

Sometimes I wish I still held the dragon but all that is left is an overwhelming sadness that made home in my chest the moment Alyssa drew her last breath. It's the sadness that drew me to Jesse, the staggering desperation for an ounce of happiness, an ounce of love.

When I'm finished crying, she tucks my hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead.

"You silly girl, don't you realize you have so many people you can write about?"

The sentence would sound degrading if anyone else had said it, but Lena makes it sound endearing.

I hesitantly ask, "I do?"

Lena nods. "Grandma Ruth and Alyssa, don't they love you?"

The reply is fast, harsh and I don't take a moment to breathe. "Alyssa is dead."

There is a silence between the both of us as her eyes search for something and for a moment I think the dragon has returned but my chest feels hollow.

"And Grandma Ruth?", she questions.

I seethe, blood boiling as she picks at the scabs in my life that I'd promised to never show anyone for this very reason. "She's _insane!"_ I push off of Lena's chest and curl into my own. "She can't-"

The protest dies off as the reasons fail to fall from my lips. I stick with my resolve. "She can't."

"Why not?"

The innocent question makes my hands shake wildly as memories bleed into my mind. Back when I had to tell Alyssa we needed to pack up to be dropped off to the next foster home, back when I had to tell her we could not stay. Back when she would always ask that same innocent question and I would always ignore the hurt in my chest as I failed to come up with a reason to answer why no one wanted us.

_No one wanted us._

The words fly wildly off my tongue and I lose grip on the perfect English accent I held. I feel seven, small and insignificant to those around me. "Because I'm a _spaz!_ I'm too _stupid_ to do anything right_!_ I'm just a _waste_ of space and no one will ever want _me!_"

My chest heaves and I continue to spout out nonsense in a mix of French and English that doesn't even make sense to my own ears. I cannot stop. I want to bite my wild mouth, tuck it away into the place it has been hidden but the words are so loud that they demand to be heard.

"Look at me." Lena's hands gently grip my shoulders and I pause my rambling. "Look at me, Maisie Belland."

I do slowly, unsurely. My eyes drift towards hers. "Who told you those things?"

Too many people and not enough.

I'm silent under her gaze and her brow creases. "It doesn't matter, now you listen to me and you listen well, you understand?"

She holds my face into her hands so gently it causes dried up tears to resurface. I can count on my fingers how many people have been this gentle with me and it still surprises me how affectionate Lena and Stef are.

"You are so _so _special. It amazes me how quickly your little mind can rattle off solutions to equations far beyond your years. You are so smart, so kind, and all deserving to be loved. You are loved and if you can't think of anyone who loves you, always know that Stef and I love you so much. Everyone in this family loves you and I'm sorry if we ever made you doubt our love for you. You're a special girl Maisie and you have so many people who love you."

My chin trembles but I stay silent as Lena grips onto my hands. "Those people, they were wrong. I don't ever want to hear you say those things about yourself ever again, okay?"

She doesn't wait for an answer and pulls me into such a tight hug that I can imagine her trying to hold all the rough, broken pieces of me together and suddenly I'm sobbing into her shoulder hugging her just as tightly.

It feels like a promise so full of hope and love.

* * *

**Thank you guys for all the follows and the likes, I really appreciate them and they keep me motivated. **

**Guest- Thank you for your comment, but I never intended for Maisie to end up with her grandmother. It's unfortunately, not a reasonable choice. My grandfather suffers from memory loss and there are times where he forgets his son's name or even times he is convinced the date is wrong. People who suffer problems like this are not suitable caretakers and need others to take care of them. This is the reason Grandma Ruth will never adopt Maisie. **

**Random Trivia: **

**When I first wrote the scene where Maisie's mother leaves, I did it based on the music video _Because of You _by Kelly Clarkson. Now looking back, I hate the lack of originality of the scene and created what I feel like a more realistic scene. Maisie was really young when her mother left and memories of childhood are usual not that clear. So, I hope you guys enjoy this new adaptation. **


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